Words can not describe how excited we are! To be able to envision my future now, holding a little boy, I'm just so excited and over joyed. We prayed for a boy and God has given us this miracle, it's so incredible! But I need to back track here just for a little because I was not supposed to find out the gender our baby for another month!
Because I had another bleed at 14 weeks and 2 days I had asked to be referred to a specialist who could possibly be able to tell me why I was continuing to bleed. So I was scheduled for an in depth ultrasound to check everything they could to determine where I was bleeding from. I went in on a Thursday, which at that date I was 14 weeks and 5 days, but our little one was measuring ahead at 15 weeks and 1 day! Which makes me feel good, means he is thriving and growing. So anyway, here I am getting an ultrasound done by a technician and she says to me, "You know the gender, right?" and I said, "NO! WAIT! You can tell already?!" And she said, "Sure can, would you like for me to tell you?" And since my husband was not there I just did not feel right about finding out with out him. So I told her that and she said she could put it in an envelope and we could open when we could be together. So my heart was racing, I was so excited, I couldn't believe it, in just a few hours I would know if I was having a son or daughter. The tech handed me my the envelope and I put it in my purse for safe keeping.
After the tech left, the doctor came in and reassured me that my baby is doing great. He's measuring perfectly on track, the womb looks nice and healthy, and the placenta looks great as well. He was so thorough in having me understand that I need not to worry at this point. He believes that part of the lower side of the placenta could be slightly detaching and then healing itself, but when it does detach it will bleed and when I bleed, blood will come out. However, at the ultrasound he said, if you did not tell me you had a bleed, I would never know, everything looks super healthy, great blood flow, and attachment. I truly couldn't be happier with how this appointment went, and I couldn't be happier with the doctor I met. He was such a joy to meet and be under his care.
Cris finally got home from work, and of course it seemed like it took him hours to get home as we both knew what was waiting for us when he would enter the door. I sat down, turned the camera on and filmed one of the most memorable moments of our lives. If you are interested in watching that video, please click this link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kp_FXEVS-Xg
We are so blessed and so excited. We couldn't be any happier. We truly can't wait to hold this little miracle in our arms and be in awe of God's creation and gift to us. Yay!!!
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Unexplained Bleeding
August 8th, 2013 - 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant: MASSIVE bleed, bright red, gushing blood, enough to saturate 4 or 5 pads. Pregnancy was confirmed still there, saw the heartbeat a week later.
September 24th, 2013 - 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant: Large bleed, bright red, gush, enough to saturate 1 full pad. A very uneducated PA in the ER told us that I was probably going to miscarry. The heartbeat never wavered and I had also just been seen for a sequential screening 36 hours prior and everything looked perfect.
October 6th-7th-8th - 14 weeks and 1 -3 days pregnant: Started with brown blood when I wiped, slow and light...slept through the night, woke up with red blood on a panty liner, continued to bleed a light flow for a few hours. Was seen by the OB, it had stopped by then, everything looked normal, went back to work, had another large gush of blood around 1:30 PM. Continued to "seep" blood for the rest of the day and a little bit the next morning, leaving a trace of blood when I wipe. Starting to believe this one is just about over.
Not once has any of these bleeds been accompanied with pain or cramping. Each time, the baby is looked at via ultrasound and everything seems to look perfectly normal, as well as the placenta. The answers I've been given as to what is happening has ranged from, "you're probably going to miscarry to this is normal for some people". Not once has this gotten any less scary or frustrating. As you know, when you are pregnant, tampons are out of the question. So, while I sit here at work, and feel that pop, then the rush of blood running out of me, even though I'm wearing a pad the size of Texas, I have to RUN to the bathroom to make sure that I catch it in time that it doesn't bleed all over my pants. I have a change of clothes here at work, but still...being seen running to the bathroom gets everyone talking (again). Ugh, that's one thing I wish I could get past and not let get to me, but knowing people are talking about me and assuming they know what is going on makes me so mad! I wish people just kept their mouths shut and minded their own business. Gossip is evil...and annoying.
I am grateful that everything with the baby is looking like it's okay. And I have the most amazing husband who has gone out of his way to make sure my life is as easy as possible while I endure these bleeds. Whether that means getting dinner for me so I don't have to cook, or just taking the time out to remind me that God is in control. I honestly do not know what I would do without him. He's been my rock through this entire process, from the start of everything, from the IUI's, to IVF (twice), to the FET's (twice), to now a pregnancy that is scary and unpredictable. He's been strong, calming, encouraging, hopeful, and motivating. I'm blessed to be his wife...truly blessed.
The great part about being at the doctors is that I have gotten more ultrasounds than the average person. If there is a silver lining to these bleeds, this is it. I love seeing my baby moving and wiggling. It's the cutest thing in the world. And truly, it makes you fall in love with them all over again. As if you couldn't be any more in love, then you see this, sweet lil buttoned nose miracle....
September 24th, 2013 - 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant: Large bleed, bright red, gush, enough to saturate 1 full pad. A very uneducated PA in the ER told us that I was probably going to miscarry. The heartbeat never wavered and I had also just been seen for a sequential screening 36 hours prior and everything looked perfect.
October 6th-7th-8th - 14 weeks and 1 -3 days pregnant: Started with brown blood when I wiped, slow and light...slept through the night, woke up with red blood on a panty liner, continued to bleed a light flow for a few hours. Was seen by the OB, it had stopped by then, everything looked normal, went back to work, had another large gush of blood around 1:30 PM. Continued to "seep" blood for the rest of the day and a little bit the next morning, leaving a trace of blood when I wipe. Starting to believe this one is just about over.
Not once has any of these bleeds been accompanied with pain or cramping. Each time, the baby is looked at via ultrasound and everything seems to look perfectly normal, as well as the placenta. The answers I've been given as to what is happening has ranged from, "you're probably going to miscarry to this is normal for some people". Not once has this gotten any less scary or frustrating. As you know, when you are pregnant, tampons are out of the question. So, while I sit here at work, and feel that pop, then the rush of blood running out of me, even though I'm wearing a pad the size of Texas, I have to RUN to the bathroom to make sure that I catch it in time that it doesn't bleed all over my pants. I have a change of clothes here at work, but still...being seen running to the bathroom gets everyone talking (again). Ugh, that's one thing I wish I could get past and not let get to me, but knowing people are talking about me and assuming they know what is going on makes me so mad! I wish people just kept their mouths shut and minded their own business. Gossip is evil...and annoying.
I am grateful that everything with the baby is looking like it's okay. And I have the most amazing husband who has gone out of his way to make sure my life is as easy as possible while I endure these bleeds. Whether that means getting dinner for me so I don't have to cook, or just taking the time out to remind me that God is in control. I honestly do not know what I would do without him. He's been my rock through this entire process, from the start of everything, from the IUI's, to IVF (twice), to the FET's (twice), to now a pregnancy that is scary and unpredictable. He's been strong, calming, encouraging, hopeful, and motivating. I'm blessed to be his wife...truly blessed.
The great part about being at the doctors is that I have gotten more ultrasounds than the average person. If there is a silver lining to these bleeds, this is it. I love seeing my baby moving and wiggling. It's the cutest thing in the world. And truly, it makes you fall in love with them all over again. As if you couldn't be any more in love, then you see this, sweet lil buttoned nose miracle....
Tuesday, October 1, 2013
A Letter: From Pregnant Kyle to TTC Kyle
Kyle,
Wow, who would have thought, here you are, in your second trimester of your first pregnancy. Beyond amazing!!! You know, being on cloud nine, realizing your dreams are a reality, can make one easily forget what it feels like to be "TTC." What I believe I am most proud of is that I can tell you with confidence, you will never forget. Sure it's easy to get wrapped up in the fantasy now of what it will be like to hold your baby for the first time, picking out names, and clothes. But I promise you, you will never forget what it felt like to take the journey of trying to conceive a miracle.
Without this path you took, you would have never built the relationship you have with God. God loves you SO much that this path was His way to get your attention. Do you know all those times your period came, and you cried alone, silently, in the bathroom stall at work, He saw you, and was working in your life at that very moment to harvest patience in you? Did you know all those times you found out someone else got pregnant after trying for a few months, and you sobbed in your husbands arms, He was building that bond between you and Cris that no one can break? Did you know that when your fertility treatments failed and you thought about giving up, God was teaching you perseverance, strength, and courage? Now look at yourself, take a long hard look. Who do you like better? The person you were a few years ago? Or the person you are now? Haven't these painful struggles made you not only closer to the Lord, but also compassionate for others and a better person over all? You are knowledgeable in all aspects of fertility, you are relatable to many other women facing the same struggle, and you are a testimony for nonbelievers.
I see you now, cupping your belly, knowing there is a miracle growing inside, from God himself. A gift from heaven. You look at your unborn child as just that, a true miracle, with appreciation, gratefulness, and amazement. You will be a wonderful mom, one who cherishes the moments others may not. Like when your baby is screaming at 4:00am after getting 2 hours of sleep the night before, you will be grateful to hear your child's voice. Or when a huge mess is made in your just cleaned living room, your patience will not be tested, you will rejoice that there is a child making memories in your home.
This journey of trying to conceive was long, difficult, and painful. The pain was almost too much to bare at times, and yes you did want to throw in the towel at times. But you didn't. And here you are...13 weeks and 3 days pregnant. You should be proud of yourself and all you have accomplished. You will continue to grow (physically as well as emotionally). And you will never lose your sense of gratitude because of what you have gone through, nor your sense of compassion for those who continue on their journey of trials and tribulations.
Don't just embrace your past, embrace and celebrate every single day of your pregnancy, even the scary days. You have been given a miracle, that is worth rejoicing every second of every passing day. Love yourself, take care of yourself and your growing baby.
Psalm 16:11
Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fullness of joy; In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.
Wow, who would have thought, here you are, in your second trimester of your first pregnancy. Beyond amazing!!! You know, being on cloud nine, realizing your dreams are a reality, can make one easily forget what it feels like to be "TTC." What I believe I am most proud of is that I can tell you with confidence, you will never forget. Sure it's easy to get wrapped up in the fantasy now of what it will be like to hold your baby for the first time, picking out names, and clothes. But I promise you, you will never forget what it felt like to take the journey of trying to conceive a miracle.
Without this path you took, you would have never built the relationship you have with God. God loves you SO much that this path was His way to get your attention. Do you know all those times your period came, and you cried alone, silently, in the bathroom stall at work, He saw you, and was working in your life at that very moment to harvest patience in you? Did you know all those times you found out someone else got pregnant after trying for a few months, and you sobbed in your husbands arms, He was building that bond between you and Cris that no one can break? Did you know that when your fertility treatments failed and you thought about giving up, God was teaching you perseverance, strength, and courage? Now look at yourself, take a long hard look. Who do you like better? The person you were a few years ago? Or the person you are now? Haven't these painful struggles made you not only closer to the Lord, but also compassionate for others and a better person over all? You are knowledgeable in all aspects of fertility, you are relatable to many other women facing the same struggle, and you are a testimony for nonbelievers.
I see you now, cupping your belly, knowing there is a miracle growing inside, from God himself. A gift from heaven. You look at your unborn child as just that, a true miracle, with appreciation, gratefulness, and amazement. You will be a wonderful mom, one who cherishes the moments others may not. Like when your baby is screaming at 4:00am after getting 2 hours of sleep the night before, you will be grateful to hear your child's voice. Or when a huge mess is made in your just cleaned living room, your patience will not be tested, you will rejoice that there is a child making memories in your home.
This journey of trying to conceive was long, difficult, and painful. The pain was almost too much to bare at times, and yes you did want to throw in the towel at times. But you didn't. And here you are...13 weeks and 3 days pregnant. You should be proud of yourself and all you have accomplished. You will continue to grow (physically as well as emotionally). And you will never lose your sense of gratitude because of what you have gone through, nor your sense of compassion for those who continue on their journey of trials and tribulations.
Don't just embrace your past, embrace and celebrate every single day of your pregnancy, even the scary days. You have been given a miracle, that is worth rejoicing every second of every passing day. Love yourself, take care of yourself and your growing baby.
Psalm 16:11
Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fullness of joy; In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.
Monday, September 30, 2013
Will We Have A Boy or Girl?
Old Wives Tales About Baby Gender
I copy and pasted from http://thatgirlwithsparklyheels.blogspot.com
* If your husband gains weight, you will be having a girl. If he doesn't gain weight,
you'll be having a boy.
Answer: Boy
* Pregnancy has you looking better than ever if it’s a boy. You don't look quite as good
as normal during pregnancy if it’s a girl.
Answer: Boy - besides my skin being dry through the first trimester, I'm starting
to feel the prettiest I ever have! I love being pregnant!
to feel the prettiest I ever have! I love being pregnant!
*Some myths propose that if you are craving sweets during your pregnancy, you are
having a girl. If you are craving spicy and salty foods, then you are having a boy.
having a girl. If you are craving spicy and salty foods, then you are having a boy.
Answer: Boy - salty all the way!
*Some say if the woman’s belly is big and round it means that she is carrying a girl.
Likewise, if her belly is smaller and sticking straight out than she is carrying a boy.
Answer: Boy? I'm BARELY showing at all. My bump is teeny tiny.
* If you are having a boy, you would not have as much morning sickness as you would if
you were having a girl.
you were having a girl.
Answer: Boy - out of the first trimester and I haven't been sick once.
However, around 12 weeks I started to feel nauseated at night again...not loving
that but, whatever, if baby is healthy I don't care!
However, around 12 weeks I started to feel nauseated at night again...not loving
that but, whatever, if baby is healthy I don't care!
*The same as you last pregnancy= same gender, different- different gender.
Answer: This is my first pregnancy so....
*Some people believe that if your baby has a fast heart rate, near 170 beats per minute,
then that means you are having a girl, and that if your baby’s heart rate is closer to 150
beats per minute then you are having a boy.
Answer: Girl - baby has had a high heart rate from the beginning
* The Chinese use numbers to determine the sex of your baby. They take the mothers age
at conception and the month of conception.
Answer: Boy - I was 31 and conceived in July...here is a link to the chart I used http://chinesegenderchart.net/
* Many believe that if you have an increased amount of acne during pregnancy then it
means you are having a baby girl.
Answer: Boy - not really acne, just dry skin
*If your previous child's hairline at the neck comes to a point then it is a different
gender, straight line is the same gender.
gender, straight line is the same gender.
Answer: No previous child...
That makes for 7 points for BOY and only 1 point for GIRL
We'll find out November 18th, 2013
Saturday, September 28, 2013
Why does this keep happening??
First things first...I had my sequential screening done at 12 weeks and two days and it was AMAZING! Cris was there so it was the first time he got to see our baby. The memory of that moment of him seeing his baby move for the first time, will be cherished forever. I WISH I would have recorded it but I think we were too excited to be thinking of anything else at the moment. However, less than 36 hours later I had another bleed! What the hell is going on?! It's not like it's a slow, menstrual cycle like bleed...it GUSHES out of me, bright red, scary freaking amounts of blood. To be safe, Cris took me the ER and I was seen by the most incompetent ER Resident that has probably ever existed. So, let me start by saying when I had this same occurrence at 5 weeks and 2 days the man who did my pelvic exam was gentle, opened me up with a speculum, took a look, was able to tell me my cervix was closed. This woman I had this time, at 12 weeks and 3 days put the speculum in and instead of looking in there she wiped away the blood with a large q-tip looking thing. She then told me the bleeding looks like stopped, which is great news. Then she uses her two fingers, puts them inside and touches my cervix, then says she's sorry, but needs a better feel to make sure my cervix isn't open...uhhhh, what?? She proceeds to shove THREE fingers inside me and then (I'm not exaggerating when I say this) RAMS so hard, I feel her fingernail dig into my cervix. I jumped back and literally yelped like a puppy. I have never ever ever felt pain like that before in my life. I had needles up there, catheters up there, even surgery! And this pain doesn't compare to what that felt like. So after she's done with her exam she tells me, "I'm sorry, I'd really like to have seen your cervix a little tighter, but it feels like it's open less than 1/2 a centimeter." I wanted to scream, "YEAH BECAUSE YOU JUST EFFING OPENED IT WITH YOUR FINGER!"...but I knew it being open at all was not good news. So she puts her head down and says, "I'm so sorry" and leaves the room. Wait? What? What does that mean?? You're sorry?? Am I miscarrying?? Is that what you are saying?? Because that's what it feels like you are trying to tell us. So I look at Cris and his eyes are welled up with tears and I of course start crying, but my sadness very shortly turns to anger as by baby was PERFECT just 36 hours prior, what the F*CK is going on?? I need answers, NOW!!!
Thank God for my best friend...her mother is very high up in the chain of hospital employees and she came down to comfort me after I text my best friend with, "The ER resident just basically told me I'm going to miscarry". I was able to speak with her mom and also a midwife who truly instilled the hope back in us. They said because the bleeding stopped, I had no cramping or pain, that these are good things. So I was discharged from the hospital and put on to bed rest for three days and well, here I am...and everything so far is good.
I still have no answers, as to where the blood is coming from. Why it keeps happening...will it happen again. I'm pretty much predicting I won't get answers either. Maybe I'm just one of those women who bleed through out their pregnancy. Who knows? All I can do is keep my faith and trust in our Lord who protects me, carries me through my worries, and loves me.
Currently I'm 13 weeks pregnant and have felt our little blessing moving, A LOT. It's nothing less than completely amazing and I'm seriously so in love. <3
Thank God for my best friend...her mother is very high up in the chain of hospital employees and she came down to comfort me after I text my best friend with, "The ER resident just basically told me I'm going to miscarry". I was able to speak with her mom and also a midwife who truly instilled the hope back in us. They said because the bleeding stopped, I had no cramping or pain, that these are good things. So I was discharged from the hospital and put on to bed rest for three days and well, here I am...and everything so far is good.
I still have no answers, as to where the blood is coming from. Why it keeps happening...will it happen again. I'm pretty much predicting I won't get answers either. Maybe I'm just one of those women who bleed through out their pregnancy. Who knows? All I can do is keep my faith and trust in our Lord who protects me, carries me through my worries, and loves me.
Currently I'm 13 weeks pregnant and have felt our little blessing moving, A LOT. It's nothing less than completely amazing and I'm seriously so in love. <3
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Our Announcement!
We finally made our announcement to our friends! It was a long time coming. We wanted to wait until after we had the sequential screening done where they take a detailed look at the baby and make sure everything looks healthy. We are so excited to finally announce our blessing and we truly are the happiest we have ever been. We can not wait for the next few months as we embark on this exciting journey of pregnancy! Glory to God!!!
Friday, September 20, 2013
Scary Day!
Thursday, September 19th, 2013 was a day not unlike the rest of the week days. It started off as normal as can be. I woke up, fed the dogs their breakfast, got in the shower, got dressed, headed to work, and arrived about 15 minutes early (per usual). I drank my cup of hot decaf Lipton tea with honey and started to go through my emails. My best friend, Jenna, text me, we were having a casual morning conversation, which we usually do to check in on each other. Both of us are pregnant and we are constantly asking how each of us are feeling that day. After drinking my tea, it's only normal, I had to pee! So I went to the bathroom and there it was again...blood. My stomach sank. This blood was no where near what happened when I was 5 weeks pregnant. This blood was brown (meaning old blood) and it hadn't even filled the panty liner, yet it was enough to scare me into calling the doctor. I left a message with a sweet nurse who said she would call me back after speaking with the doctor. In the mean time I'm texting Jenna to see if she would be concerned if she had the same type of spotting. I didn't get a response right away, which is unlike her. The next thing I know, she texts me a horrifying picture of her car on its roof with a message letting me know she's been in an accident and is on her way to the hospital. Let's not forget, she's 29 weeks pregnant!!! I felt my heart rise in my throat. I felt so helpless. My first thought was "Oh my GOD, COLE!!!" Cole is her 2 1/2 year old son, my Godson. Thank God he was not in the car, she had just dropped him off at daycare. My second thought was "Oh my GOD, TESSA!" her unborn baby. Hysterically I'm texting her, "are you okay??!!"...knowing she has to be if she was able to at least text me she was in the accident. However, my mind just wanders sometimes and after seeing that picture, I thought the worst. I called her mom and she was with Jenna, she reassured me that Cole was not in the car and that Jenna, although pretty banged up, is doing okay, the concern is for her baby. After getting off the phone, I began to pray.
It felt like hours had gone by until I heard the wonderful news that Tessa had a good strong heart beat and that both mama and baby are hanging in there and doing okay. What a relief. I knew then physically they were okay, but I could only imagine what toll this took on Jenna emotionally and mentally. A day later and she's barely slept because when she closes her eyes she hears glass breaking and sees a car coming straight towards her. Going through anything traumatic like that haunts you for a long time...but it will eventually fade and I hope sooner than later. It's like reliving a nightmare every time you try to close your eyes. I wish I could take that away from her, I know how awful that feeling is.
Finally the doctor called me back! By this time, I had stopped spotting, but they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound anyway to be safe. Well it was a great ending to a pretty scary day! I got to see my baby, he/she is measuring at exactly where they are supposed to be (at the time 11 weeks and 5 days) and had a strong heart beat at 138 beats per minute. The coolest thing was I saw my baby move!!! It was INCREDIBLE! He/she must have been sleeping, it looked like we startled the poor thing, they jumped with their arms and legs flailing in the air...it was SO CUTE I can't even describe it. I left that appointment on cloud nine...what an amazing gift. Glory to God!
It felt like hours had gone by until I heard the wonderful news that Tessa had a good strong heart beat and that both mama and baby are hanging in there and doing okay. What a relief. I knew then physically they were okay, but I could only imagine what toll this took on Jenna emotionally and mentally. A day later and she's barely slept because when she closes her eyes she hears glass breaking and sees a car coming straight towards her. Going through anything traumatic like that haunts you for a long time...but it will eventually fade and I hope sooner than later. It's like reliving a nightmare every time you try to close your eyes. I wish I could take that away from her, I know how awful that feeling is.
Finally the doctor called me back! By this time, I had stopped spotting, but they wanted me to come in for an ultrasound anyway to be safe. Well it was a great ending to a pretty scary day! I got to see my baby, he/she is measuring at exactly where they are supposed to be (at the time 11 weeks and 5 days) and had a strong heart beat at 138 beats per minute. The coolest thing was I saw my baby move!!! It was INCREDIBLE! He/she must have been sleeping, it looked like we startled the poor thing, they jumped with their arms and legs flailing in the air...it was SO CUTE I can't even describe it. I left that appointment on cloud nine...what an amazing gift. Glory to God!
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