FET complete...surreal.

     Completely surreal. I have no other way of explaining how the world feels in this moment. Just hours ago, I had a living, thriving embryo placed ever so carefully into my uterus. Technically, that makes me what the TTC community lovingly calls, "PUPO"..."pregnant until proven otherwise."  I'm so grateful to even feel just that, for now, I'm pregnant. That thought moved me to tears after the FET was complete. I sat in my little room on the gurney and just burst into tears. I'm grateful, and I love this little embryo more than I could explain in words.

     The procedure itself went very smoothly. My embryo is a grade two, which is "great"...grade one is excellent, grade two is great, grade three is good, grade four is fair.  You always want to hear that your embryo is the BEST grade, but this is what God has given us, and we are so blessed and so thankful. 

     How I felt the following hours after the transfer can be described as exhausted and fragile. I felt like I shouldn't sneeze or I will ruin everything! Haha, that's obviously not true, but I think everyone probably feels like that after a procedure like this. I was told by my doctor to rest as if I was sick with the flu for as long as I could until I had to go back to work.  That gave me a full 16 hours of bed rest. Normally they ask patients to try to do 24 hours of bed rest and then take it easy for the next following three days. Since my job consists of me sitting at a desk all day, I'm fine to be at work right now. The only rules are no lifting anything over 10lbs, no hot tubs, swimming, heat pads,  no intercourse, and no vigorous exercises. I can handle that for two weeks!  I felt exhausted mostly because where I live right now is experiencing a heat wave! The heat index was 105F...ugh! And I never used to get headaches from the heat, but I guess since I'm getting older, that's one of the things I have acquired. I have had a headache since last night, and it's still lingering.  I have read that it's safe to take tylonel, especially right now that the embryo isn't living off my blood supply right now, but I just don't feel like I should take any kind of OTC drug unless its completely necessary.  So I'm just gonna deal with the headache and hope this awful heat wave breaks sooner than later!

     Here are some pictures from yesterday. 

Thank You

     It's just crazy how far I've come in my life in terms of figuring out who I am and how I want to live my life.  All thanks to God...honestly, I'm nothing without Him, my life would be nothing without Him.  I think back to the things I used to pray for, the times in my life that I would pray, and the people in my life I would pray for.  My spiritual growth continues to amaze me.  I once was this naive girl, floating through life, praying to be blessed with what I thought I deserved.  Embarrassed to admit, I'd pray as my last resort sometimes, begging God for something to happen or not to happen.  Have you been there too?   The comforting thing about this is knowing I'm human, I'm a sinner, I have made mistakes and will continue to make mistakes, but God loves me unconditionally.  I am his child. 
     I have learned so much, especially recently, through this journey of trying to conceive a baby.  Without having to face this struggle in life, I would not have come to know the Lord in the way in which I do now.  Our relationship we have built would not be this strong, my faith would not have grown.  I did not know the meaning of thankfulness until I realized how thankful I am for having being called to God in this way.  I have no words to even begin to describe how blessed I am.  My eyes have been opened, my heart has been softened.  I am aware of so much more now than I can even wrap my mind around,  yet still have so much to learn.  It's so beautiful that if I think about it long and hard enough, I am moved to tears of joy and awe of just how much God loves me. 
     My prayers were selfish and shallow.  My life was about only me.  Now, with the love of Jesus Christ in my heart, my world has been transformed.  I take a moment everyday to give thanks to God, but it doesn't seem like it's enough.  I praise God every time I can, in every situation, but it doesn't seem like that's enough either.  The love I feel from God is just too great to ever feel like I am deserving of it.  Simply put, God is LOVE.
     My prayers now are that of thanks and also I pray that everyone can feel His love.  I pray that everyone can feel the peace in their heart that comes from knowing the Holy Spirit.  I want people to feel the gratitude that I do, I want everyone to see how blessed they are, to know happiness in it's truest form.  I want everyone to see how beautiful life is and share God's love with each other, to treat each other with respect and care in everything they do.  I just want everyone to know Him and give their life to Him. 

     Pray with me: 

Lord I come before You, desiring to provide thanks.  Father, I have so much to be thankful for, things unseen and seen, that You have done in my life. Lord, mostly I am thankful for the relationship that I have with You. You initiated this relationship, by what Your Son endeavored to accomplish,

paying the price for my sin, redeeming and reconciling me. You know the times I have been ungrateful, held ill thoughts toward You and my fellow humans. You know the times I complain and grumble about life and its circumstances, about suffering, going through what seem endless trials and tribulations. Yet God You are and always will be there with me, even when it seems like I am forever in the wilderness, running further and further from You, You, my God are there guiding me back to Your loving arms.  I am thankful Lord for everything that You allow to cross my path. Thankful for the decisions that You allow me to make and the lessons that come from these decisions.

I’m thankful, Lord, that I do not have to live under condemnation anymore, that You have truly set me free, that I am a new creation that I need not live under the law anymore. Thankful Lord that You have given me joy unspeakable. Thankful Lord that You are longsuffering, allowing me to mature in You! Lord, words do not express my thankfulness. For Your mighty power is at work in me, transforming me, renewing my mind. To You Lord belong thanks eternal.

In Jesus’ name, amen.