Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Faith and Unbelief

     Since I have been reborn, I find myself thirsting for the word of God. Unfortunetly, for me, it's like the bible has its own language.  So, I have been trying to find different ways to quench this thirst.  I found that bible study helps a lot, especially when everyone can give an example of what the scripture means and make it relatable to me.  I've also found that YouTube is an abundant resource for sermons by people like Joyce Meyer and Creflo Dollar who make the word of God so simple and easy to understand.
     My recent understanding has been about faith and unbelief. I'm going to try my best to write this out so it's not only easy to read but easy to put into practice in your own life, bare with me, it's new to me too.  Okay, so I believe in God...I always have. I was raised where I was taught that there is a being in the sky greater than any person that ever lived who sees everything and controls everything.  Some of that is still true in my eyes, however, since I have become an adult, a reborn adult, I now know God, and He is so much more than I could have ever imagined. Lets stick to the origin of this topic starter though, shall we?  So here it is, simply, I have always had faith. There is no denying that. I grew up with it, it grew with me, and now since being reborn, my faith is stronger than its ever been.  So what's the problem? The problem lies within one word, that word being "unbelief".  Unbelief is a new word to me.  I only learned of it a few weeks ago.  Here is what good old webster has to say about it:

Unbelief:  incredulity or skepticism especially in matters of religious faith

    I hate to say this, but lets be honest...we live in a world, an age of unbelief.  Need an example?  Fear, doubt, worry, care...that is all unbelief and it comes from many sources.  For me, a huge source of unbelief came from a little social network known as facebook.  I would sign on to facebook and there in my face without me asking to see it is another pregnancy announcement.  That person is most likely facing their own struggles in life and most likely did not post their pregnancy annoucement on facebook to hurt my feelings, yet I took it personally.  And it happened again, and again, and again.  First of all, it made me care about the fact that I'm not pregnant and never have been.  That in turn made me full of worry, worried that I'm going to continue to see pregnant women, ultrasound pictures, and babies everywhere I looked.  That in turn filled me with fear.  My fears sounded like this, "well what if God doesn't fufill his promise to me?  I'm scared I will never get pregnant."  Does any of this ring a bell with you?  Can you relate?

     What I learned is this, and pay attention to this now:  Unbelief cancels out your faith. 

     Read that again. 

     So here I sit with faith stronger than it's ever been but I have unbelief.  Well, then in short, nothing I pray for will manifest because I'm not going anywhere.  I'm stagnant if I carry this unbelief.  Scary.  Now I questioned myself, what can I do about this unbelief?  I certainly don't want it, but what can I do to get rid of it?  Honestly, I'm still working on getting rid of it all...but I'm taking steps to change, and that's progress.  For one, I said good bye to facebook.  My world survived before facebook came along, and it will survive after I've deactivated my account.  I've also unsubscribed to everyone on youtube who is trying to conceive.  Hear me out.  I have built friendships with these women who have also been faced with infertility issues.  So, if I have built true friendships, they will withstand the idea of me unsubscribing from them.  The reason I have done this is so when I go to youtube, my subscriptions that pop up are not constant reminders of trying to get pregnant.  When I go on to youtube now, my subscriptions are to people that either inspire me, encourage me, or make me laugh.   For me, and my journey of growth, I will not be constantly reminded of situations that feed my unbelief.  It's time to let go of fear, doubt, worry, and care and cast them to our Father.  He has given us everything we need, it's just a matter of trusting Him.


Sunday, May 5, 2013

Strong Little Embryos!

Out of the 28 eggs that were retrieved, we ended up with 8 strong embryos that are now frozen. When my OHSS subsides and I get a natural menstrual cycle we can do our frozen embryo transfer. Praying time flies!

Egg Retrieval Success

The doctor retrieved 28 eggs! We are so blessed! However, with that number of eggs came a horrible syndrome called Ovarian Hyperstimulation Syndrome. It had not been an easy road by any means, but God is molding me in to the person I'm supposed to be. I believe my experiences will help others get through similar situations. Trying to stay positive and get healthy!