Wednesday, December 10, 2014

What is essential in life?

The more I think about what is truly essential for me to live in this day and age, my answer gets smaller and smaller. At first a list of luxuries came spewing out of my brain, like my house, my car, my cell phone, etc. But those things are not necessary. Not at all. The one thing that I can't live without is God. He's the One who gave me anything and everything I have. He gave me my family, my son, my friends, my church, my house, my car, everything. It's all glory to Him. I can't live without His unfailing love, without Him, I'm nothing and I have absolutely nothing. I'm beyond humbled by His powerful grace, peace, and love that fills my heart to the point of bursting, every single day. I'm so grateful.

The things that used to stress me out before knowing God was a long list of things I find so minute these days. One huge thing on that list was our finances. If I would let it, I could easily get overwhelmed and worried about money. It wasn't until I started a relationship with God that I realized money has no worth, and God has ALWAYS made a way for us. Instead of thinking, "I'll never have the money for that", I saw it as, "Thank God, we had the money available to do that". Need an example? My dog, Halo, swallowed a stuffed toy once. She needed emergency surgery or she would have died. The surgery cost upwards of $3,000. We had just received our income check for that year, a week before this happened. The money was there, and we used that money to save her life. I know some one might think, it's a dog, you used your savings for that? However, God blessed me with this dog, she's a companion to me and my family, and God made the funds available to us for this reason. We used that money to save her life. And yeah sure, the rest of the year with no savings could have been scary and overwhelming thinking, "well what if this happens"...but living with "what if's" is a dangerous lifestyle and I encourage you break that habit if you tend to think that way. God has always made a way for us, and we thank Him over and over for that. Do you have a time in your life you can think of when God made a way for you? I'm sure you do, we all do. It's imperative to recognize that and give your thanks to Him. God bless us all.

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Garlic? Did you say Garlic?

Ok...I've been sick for two weeks. This is the longest that I have ever been sick. And more than just feeling run down and yucky, it's just really freaking annoying. My left ear feels blocked from pressure, and it's no surprise because my left nostril is stuffy. I'm not one to try homeopathic remedies. I just wasn't raised that way and I also am not educated about it all. However, at this point I want some relief. So, I did what anyone else would do and googled home remedies. What I came across was quite interesting. I read that garlic can help with ear pain and ear infections. So, as I sit here typing this out, I have a piece of garlic resting on the opening of my left ear. Everything I read made it very clear not to place the garlic in your ear canal or it could easily get stuck. I can't believe I am sitting here with a piece of garlic stuck to the side of my head, but it's been 20 minutes and I seriously can feel that the pain associated with the pressure has decreased. I'm not making this up. I think there is something to these all natural home remedies after all. 

Friday, December 5, 2014

Christmas Card

All of us can tend to get "wrapped" up in the month of December with busy days filled with shopping, wrapping gifts, baking, and attending holiday parties.  Christmas is such a magical time that can get lost in the hustle and bustle of every day life.  If you are reading this, you are fortunate.  We all are.  More than we deserve.  Yes, we all deal with difficult circumstances, even sickness and death.  However, if you believe in God, our father, then you believe that eternal life is promised for us where there is no sickness, suffering, or pain. 

Some of our children are wishing for ipads, iphones, games, scooters, barbies, expensive sneakers, or clothes.  But this one little girl, her wish is to receive a Christmas card, from you. 

Can you please make the time to send this precious little girl a Christmas Card?  Read about Addie Lynn's story by clicking the link below.

Send your Christmas Card to:

Addie Lynn and Sisters
P.O. Box 162
Fountain Green, UT 84632

Mine is the mail as we speak.  God bless.

Thursday, December 4, 2014

11 ways to make your life happier

Some of these ideas might seem silly while others are more serious and require a bit more focus, but I promise, they all have worked for me. I hope they work for you too! 

1. Get off of social media for awhile. 
     - Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc have become addictions that we tie our lives to for false fulfillment. When we scroll for minutes/hours and subject ourselves to words, images, and ideas that we didn't intend to, we are allowing negativity to creep in without even being aware of it. I know you saw a picture of a child dying of cancer, or a dog being starved, and in some cases those pictures are tied to corrupt accounts. It's a waste of time and taking a break from social media and focusing on the people and things around you can totally change your mood. 

2.  Distance yourself from your stressors.
     - Do you know what is causing you stress? Is it your job? Is it your kid? Is it your spouse? If it's any of those things, take a few hours and get some quality "me" time in. Take a vacation day, go for a walk, go to dinner with a friend. When you don't get a break you will break. Sometimes just a cup of coffee with your mom or a trip to target with your sister can change your attitude and when you reunite with whatever or whomever was making you feel stressed you will feel refreshed and grateful. 

3. Help out when and wherever you can. 
     - For me, personally, money is tight. So I can't donate money as much as o would like to. And being a new mom leaves little time for me to volunteer somewhere. So, when I'm at work and I have finished my tasks, I will go around asking if there is anything I can help with. It's not a huge deal and it's not changing the world, but to the person I am helping, it's changing their world. Whether it means they won't have to work late or they can get a project done faster, it's something and it makes me feel good to be able to share my expertise. 

4. Get some fresh air.
     - I used to be a smoker...EW. For how gross that is, the one thing that I truly miss about smoking is the fact that I would go outside and just be taking a break. You don't have to be a smoker to go outside and get some fresh air for 10 minutes!

5.  Look at something beautiful. 
     - The reason that a popular screen saver background is a picture of a tropical island is because it stimulates good feeling chemicals to be released in your body. So take a minute, go stare at the green fields of Ireland, or the snow capped Rocky Mountains. Hey...just go look out your window, I bet it's not too difficult to find something beautiful in your view. 

6. Sing.
     - Even if you can't carry a tune in a bucket, who cares? Turn on that jam that makes you feel like a rock star and belt out the lyrics. 

7. Smell something delightful.
     - My favorite smell in the world is probably funnel cake. It just takes me back to my childhood of going to the carnivals and seeing the lights and rides and hearing the bells and whistles of the games. It just makes me happy! Do you have a favorite flower or fruit? But a candle or room spray in that scent and sniff your way to a better mood. 

8. Surround yourself with funny people. 
     - Did you ever leave a lunch or dinner with a friend and your cheeks hurt from laughing so hard? Schedule more time with that person. Did you ever watch a YouTube video so funny you watched it twice? Subscribe to that person. Laughing is good for the soul. 

9.  Read a book. 
     - The fastest and cheapest way to escape reality is opening a book. It is relaxing and a book can take you ANYWHERE. 

10. Give your worries to God. 
     - The biggest lesson I learned in life so far is that worrying is a waste of time. Our problems are so small if you compare them to how big Gods love is for us. There is nothing that God can not do. He is all powerful and is always good. Rest and relax in knowing that He can make good come from any negative situation on your life. If you need help remembering this truth, go to church, one that you feel drawn to, not one that bores you. Find a mentor, or an encouraging friend. Sign up for daily devotionals, my favorites are the ones written by Joyce Meyer. 

11. Pray. 
     - In my life I find that if I just take the time to say or write down my prayers, I feel calmer, lighter, and happier. It's not our burden to carry, God has and always will have your back.

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Praise God.

     The most incredible thing that has come from sharing my experience with trying to conceive, fertility treatments, failed fertility treatments, finding God and being reborn, pregnancy, and now being a mother is not only that I have had people from ALL over this world contact me either through a comment on one of my videos, an email, or message telling me that my story has given them encouragement, strength, or just that they are able to relate to what I was/am going through, but that God came into my life because He persued me with an unfailing love.
     A prayer that I pray often is that God will show me what my purpose is and how to live it out.  I can't help but think that my gift of encouragement is my purpose.  I find freedom and peace in helping others going through a difficult time whether it's by sharing my own experience with them and having them relate, or just being their cheerleader when they can't see the bigger picture that God has planned for them.  From where I was to where I am now, my faith has grown more than I can express in words.  That faith has become a power tool I use to be the light that God has lit inside of me.  If I can live in a way that pleases God, but also shows others the love that God provides through a peaceful heart, than I feel like I am living out what God wanted me to do.  I want to encourage others to praise God in all that there is.  There is a miracle in EVERYTHING.  God and only God can make a miracle out of a negative situation.  I want to pass truth to anyone who is willing to hear it.  I want everyone to know God and build a relationship with Him so sturdy that nothing can shake your faith. 
     If I can help just one person turn to God when they are facing a difficult circumstance, I will be filled with joy of unmeasurable amounts.  So if you are reading this right now and you are unsure about your future, or you are dealing with something or someone difficult, if you are in doubt, if you are in debt, if you are holding on to anger or saddness, if you are struggling with unbelief, if you need guidance, if you feel lost, if you feel alone, I am here, praying for YOU. 


Monday, December 1, 2014

Landry is EIGHT Months Old!

On November 28th, Landry turned 8 months old!  We celebrated by putting the Christmas tree up and decorating for Christmas. 

Landry is 21lbs, and I have no idea how long he is b/c he hasn't been measured by the doctors in quite awhile, but I can tell you, he's big!  He's ALMOST crawling.  He gets up on all fours, wiggles a bit, then plops down on his belly again.  He loves to be mobile.  Good bye to the days of being content sitting up, he's a busy body and loves to check out anything he can get his hands on.

He says "Mama" "Dada" and makes all types of noises!  He goes from lying down to sitting up and sitting up army crawling.  He still has NO teeth.  Very very swollen gums (have been for weeks) but no teeth yet!  His favorite food is squash and is slowly weening from breastfeeding.  We only nurse about once a day.  He's mostly formula fed as my supply has dropped incredibly, but he probably receives anywhere from 3-8oz of breastmilk in a 24 hour period.

We are looking forward to Christmas this year, more than any other year I've known because this is Landry's first Christmas and we can't wait to see him play with the wrapping paper and new toys. 

We love you stinkin' much Landry Cristhian!

Germs, germs, go AWAY!

WOW.  I don't know what the heck that was.  I finally feel like I'm getting back to our "normal" after being sick for over a month. Between Cris, myself, and Landry, we have been sick since Halloween.  Landry was diagnosed with bronchitis, hand/foot/mouth, as well as other viral illnesses that popped up in between.  Cris also had bronchitis, and I had whatever Landry had and developed flu like symptoms and that turned into strep throat like symptoms.  Wow...seriously, we couldn't get rid of the viruses, they were just being passed back and forth between us.  We even cancelled Thanksgiving this year so we wouldn't get anyone else sick and we wouldn't pick up anything else from anyone else. 

We are hoping and praying for a very healthy 2015. 

Thursday, November 6, 2014

"Change is inevitable but personal growth is a choice."

     You really have to take a HUGE step back and look at the big picture.  The truth about motherhood is that it's the one and only thing that truly changes the person you knew yourself to be.  It changes you.  Change is difficult.  Change is GOOD! 

     Sometimes, I'll see and old picture of myself from my 20's and think, I don't even really know that person anymore.  I am who I am now because I am a mother.  I love how much being a mother has changed me.  I realized how strong of a person I am emotionally and mentally...especially when it comes to having to make tough decisions regarding the best interest of my son.  I realized how strong I am physically as well.  I'm not buldging with muscles or anything, but you don't realize how much strength it physically takes to get a 20lbs baby + 16lb carseat in and out of the car.  I digress.  I just think with so much change in such a small amount of time it's encouraging to recognize how much you've grown as a person.  I came across this quote and I find it to be very inspiring, and I hope that it is for you too.
     As a mother, I see how easy and dangerous it is to feel like life is spinning out of control, moving too quickly, and you can't quite stay caught up on everything that you used to.  That can make you feel like you are missing out on things.  But if you realize how much growth has come from the change you are experiencing there is so much to be proud of.  Seven months ago, I was not confident in my skills as a mother, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to tell the difference if my baby was hungry or tired.  I didn't know if I'd be patient enough or be able to deal with sleep deprivation.  I didn't know if I'd be able to watch him get shots at the doctor.  I didn't know if my marriage would suffer.  I didn't know if my friendships would suffer.  I didn't know if I could handle being a mom and working full-time.  I've grown so much!  I have so much to be proud of.  Not for nothing, I'm proud of the the mother I am to Landry because I am doing the best I can.  And if I ever have any doubt, I just need to see that gummy smile on his face when I walk into the room.  

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Fall Family Photos

What a beautiful month October has been here in Pennsylvania.  So thankful to live in a climate where leaves change and a crispness creeps in when you least expect it.  I'm happy to share my family photos with you.  Enjoy!

Landry is 7 months old!

Another month has come and gone in the matter of blinking my eyes. Landry turned SEVEN months old today! What an exciting month it's been. Landry learned how to belly crawl this past month and is in to whatever he can get his hands on. We started giving him broken yogurt melts and puffs for a fun snack. He loves them both! We tried a lot of new food this past month and quickly found out that he is not a fan of avocados. He still loves his bouncer but would much rather be mobile and crawling around seeing what he can find. His favorite activity seems to be pulling out all of the DVDs. 
He's been a joy to watch grow and develop. He's so animated and funny and his gummy smile (still no teeth) could melt any heart. 

Monday, October 20, 2014

Feeling Emotional Today

Life is going way too fast. I know people warn you how fast it goes, but it doesn’t prepare you for it. Sometimes I feel like I need to be medicated because I can get overwhelmed to the point of tears that “forever” isn’t long enough. Especially when I’m talking about time spent with my family. I mean think about it, some people reading this, their mothers or fathers have passed away, or their sisters or brothers, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, best friends, or husband or wives, or God forbid their children. Anyone who has known someone to pass away can attest to the fact that they didn’t get enough time with them. That if they had one more moment they would have so much to say, one more hug, they’d hold on a lot longer. Ugh oh man, I don’t know what it is about the past 24 hours but this sadness has a grip on me that I’d like to shake. I don’t like dwelling on death or the fact that I won’t feel like I had long enough with Landry or Cris. It seriously makes me so sad.

The only way that I know how to pull myself out of this thought that if left to snowball could turn into full-blown depression is that I have hope and faith for eternal life after this one. I don’t know how it all works, and I don’t have to. No one knows how it all works, no one has died and come back to life, except for Jesus Christ, and He is who I choose to follow. He is who I worship. I am nothing without His love, and because of His love, I can have hope that after this life as I know it is over for myself or anyone else I know and love, that there is a“forever” somewhere, that will feel long enough. That we are right now surrounded by souls of people that have passed. That we are loved beyond what we deserve and can enter into an existence where there is no sadness, pain, or suffering. Heaven doesn’t seem far away anymore. With that, I’m inhaling and honoring my loved ones that are still very near. I choose to believe, this is my choice. Thank you God for giving me this life, and forgive me if I ever seem ungrateful. I love you and I know how very blessed I am.

Monday, October 13, 2014

Tis the season...

     As a new mom you don't realize how scared and sad you could be when your baby is sick.  Then it hits...the first real fever.  It's terrifying.  Especially with all the shit going around right now that is actually KILLING people.  The enterovirus, the flu, EBOLA for Pete's sake!  I know I'm not the only mom worried about what is going around these days, especially because all these horrible things start out with "cold symptoms."  Great.  So first sign of the sniffles puts you on high alert. 

     I can't tell you how much of a freak I am about washing my hands, sanitizing my doorknobs, remotes, handles, cell phone, etc.  If you lived with me, it's enough to drive you up a wall.  Yes, you could call me a germaphobe.  However, I wish people were more type A about washing their hands and hand sanitizing, and cleaning surfaces and toys. 
     All I wanted to say was that in this world, when your baby is sick, it's not just the stress of him/her not feeling well anymore.  Now there is a fear so thick in your veins that something serious and deadly could have been contracted. 

    Can I just be inappropriate for a second and say, stop being lazy and go wash your hands, and teach your kids to wash their dirty grubby little fingers PROPERLY!  Not just running their hands under water for 10 seconds.  Every day when Landry gets home from daycare we wash his hands under warm water for 20 seconds.  Same with us as parents, every time we enter our home the first thing we do is wash our hands before we do anything else.  Get into that habit!  And stop sending your sick kids to daycare...JERKS!  Ugh!  Thanks for letting me vent!


Wednesday, October 8, 2014

One Day At A Time

I think that at certain times in our lives we feel like the world we know is just moving SO fast that it feels like we will never catch up.

In the last three weeks, two people I know passed away. One was my PopPop, and the other was a very close coworker/friend of mine. Within that time frame, Landry has gotten his 6 month vaccines and flu shot, and also might be teething. So we went through a rough patch with nights of screaming and no sleep. On top of grieving the death of loved ones. To say that I was exhausted is an understatement. I didn't even feel human. Sleep deprivation is NO JOKE.

Well, we are finally on the mend, though Landry spiked a fever last night and again this morning. We'll see how today goes. And that's all you can do. Take one day at a time. I am so thankful for supportive friends and family that reassure me that I'm doing a great job with Landry and it's completely normal to feel inadequate as a mom sometimes. When Landry wasn't sleeping and he was waking up screaming (not like him), it made me feel like I was doing something wrong, that I should know what to do to help him. But then, you hear a friend (an angel) say to you, "this is out of your control, you can only support him through this, " made me feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders.

If you are going through a rough time right now, let this be a reminder to you that you aren't meant to control everything. God is in control. We can only do so much as a human being and to put your trust in God and rest in the fact that He will handle whatever situation you are facing. I know, that's easier said than done, but the more you rest in Him and the bigger your faith grows, the more miracles you begin to see. God bless you today and always.

Monday, September 29, 2014

Landry is SIX Months Old!

This little monkey turned SIX months old on Sunday, September 28, 2014.  What an amazing 1/2 of year we had.  First of all, this 1/2 year has been the fastest six months of my life.  Are you kidding me?  I had a baby SIX months ago?  Doesn't seem possible...feels like it was just yesterday I was bringing home my baby from the hospital.  Now here he is, in all his glory, sitting up like a big boy. 

He's the best.  There is no other way to put it.  I just love every second I get to spend with him.  He's amazes me everyday.  EVERY. DAY.  I'm so blessed to have him as a son, and so blessed to be his mother.

Once he has his well visit tomorrow at the doctors, I'll be back to update his "stats".  Until then, here are his monthly favorites and milestones:

- Landry is still loving his vegetables.  We haven't found a food that he has refused yet.
- Sitting up has become his new favorite position.  He still topples, but with daily practice he's going to be a pro in no time at all.
- He sits in his high chair for feeding times now.  No more reclined seating for this tatertot.
- We tried puffs, he enjoys them for sure, but he's not quite there yet with his motor skills to pick them up and put them in his mouth.
- He's in 6-9 month clothing.
- He still is not sleeping through the night.  We're working on it :)

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Why we are choosing not to let our baby "Cry it Out"

     It's simple.  I can't and I won't.  If Landry cries for even ONE read that correctly, ONE minute, I start to feel all types of panic.  The most time I have ever let him cry (I mean really cry, not whimper, like full on cry) was probably less than two minutes.  This feeling bubbles up inside me so quickly that my body reacts before I can even think, "let him cry."  I get up, and I comfort him my baby, and he stops crying.  He. Stops. Crying.  <----the goal, right?

     Landry is going to be six months old and he is not sleeping through the night.  Sometimes he even wakes every 2 hours.  People (mostly the ones that have let their child cry it out), tell me that it's habit that I have created, and that he doesn't actually need anything at all to make it through the night.  I can't justify that statement.  He's waking up and crying.  Babies can't talk.  What if he is waking up with a dry mouth and just wants a drink?  He can't verbalize, "Hey mom, can I have a sip of boob juice please?"  What if he just can't sleep from being over stimulated that day...we have all felt that way before.  He can't verbalize, "Mom, I can't sleep."  So until he can actually use words and tell me what is wrong, I will continue to get up in the night and comfort my child.

     To make myself feel better, I do what a lot of people do, and look for research showing why the "CIO" method isn't the right choice for us.  When I read articles about any parenting topic, I make sure to read the ones written by parents, people that actually have the experience of having a child.  I don't usually read research studies written by doctors or scientists, who think they know what it's like and use science to come up with a cookie-cutter formula that will work for all babies.  However, I will do what everyone else does, and find research that backs up what makes me feel better.  Maybe that's where I differ from a lot of people, I'm not afraid to admitting that I do that, especially when it comes to controversial parenting topics.  As many articles exist about why the CIO method isn't a good choice, there are the same amount if not more articles written as to why the CIO method does work, and that it creates independence.  Those articles were also written by people that have chosen to let their child CIO.  So yes, each article you read is most likely biased, but that's the point, right?  To read something to make yourself feel like less of a failure.

So, if you choose to, you can read the reasons below as to why I chose to let my child NOT cry it out.  And I have great pleasure in saying this...DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.  I don't care if you let your baby cry it out or's not my baby, and I'm not their mother.  Do what is your best interest for you and your baby, and I'll do what is in my best interest and what's best for my baby.  By no means is it to make you feel guilty if you have chosen to let your baby cry it out.  It's meant to make us mothers who choose not to let their baby cry it out, feel better, when a half a year later, are still getting up every two hours for their child.

Caution, reading these reasons might piss you off if you disagree with them.  And you can take your anger out on your laundry that needs folding, or floors that need sweeping...don't leave your negativy spewed out in the comments section.  It's a pure waste of energy.  Thank you.

(Many of the reasons were taken from

10 Reasons Why I will not let my baby "Cry It Out"

1) I'm awake anyway. 

      - I hear him crying, I'm awake.  Why sit in another room torturing myself with guilt when I can simply just go comfort him for whatever he needs and go back to bed?

2) It can cause harmful changes in a babies brain.
     - Babies cry. They cry to let us know that they need something. And when we don't respond to those cries, it causes them undue amounts of stress. Science has shown that stress in infancy can result in enduring negative impacts on the brain. Prolonged cries in infants causes increased blood pressure in the brain, elevates stress hormones, obstructs blood from draining out of the brain, and decreases oxygenation to the brain. Excessive crying results in an oversensitive stress system (likened to a faulty burglar alarm in one book) that can lead to a fear of being alone, separation anxiety, panic attacks and addictions. Harvard researchers found that it makes them more susceptible to stress as adults and changes the nervous system so that they are overly sensitive to future trauma. Chronic stress in infancy can also lead to an over-active adrenaline system, which results in the child using increased aggression, impulsivity, and violence. Another study showed that persistent crying episodes in infancy is linked with a 10 times greater chance of the child having ADHD, resulting in poor school performance and antisocial behaviour. However, if you consistently soothe your child's distress and take any anguished crying seriously, highly effective stress response systems are established in the brain that allow your child to cope with stress later in life.

3) It can result in decreased intellectual, emotional, and social development.

     - At an American Academy of Pediatrics meeting, infant developmental specialist Dr. Michael Lewis presented research findings demonstrating that “the single most important influence of a child’s intellectual development is the responsiveness of the mother to the cues of her baby.” More specifically, other studies have found that babies whose cries are ignored do not develop healthy intellectual and social skills, that they have an average IQ 9 points lower at age 5, they show poor fine motor development, show more difficulty controlling their emotions, and take longer to become independent as children (stay clingy for longer).

4)  It can result in a detached baby.
     - Researchers have shown that although leaving a baby to cry it out does often lead to the cries eventually stopping, the cries do not stop because the child is content or the problem has been alleviated. Rather, they stop because the baby has given up hope that a caregiver will respond and provide comfort. This results in a detached baby. Detached children are less responsive, appear to be depressed or "not there" and often lack empathy.

5)  It can make a child insecure.

     - Children whose caregivers are not consistently responsive and sensitive, often become insecure. Long-term studies have shown that secure individuals are more likely to be outgoing, popular, well-adjusted, compassionate, and altruistic. As adults, secure individuals are likely to be comfortable depending on others, can develop close attachments, and trust their partners. Insecure individuals, on the other hand, tend to be unsettled in their relationships, displaying anxiety (manifesting as possessiveness, jealousy, and clinginess) or avoidance (manifesting as mistrust and a reluctance to depend on others). Parents that use the cry it out method often do so because they are afraid that their children are becoming too dependent. However, an abundance of research shows that regular physical contact, reassurance, and prompt responses to distress in infancy and childhood results in secure and confident adults who are better able to form functional relationships.

6)  It might not even work at all.

     - Some babies will not give in. So instead of whimpering a bit and then drifting off to sleep as some supposed sleep experts would have you believe happens, they end up sobbing and sobbing and sobbing for hours on end. Some end up vomiting. Many end up shaking so hard and become so distraught that once their parents realize that CIO is not going to work, the baby is shaking uncontrollably and hiccuping, too distressed to sleep and too distraught to be calmed down even by a loving parent.

7)  Even if it "works", chances are you will have to do it more than once.

     - I can't imagine putting my child through one or several nights of inconsolable crying to get him to sleep and I certainly can't imagine having to do it over and over again. However, that is the reality for many parents. I hear people tell me that they always let their child cry for thirty minutes to go to sleep. Or that they have to start the CIO sleep training process all over again after each round of teething, each growth spurt, each developmental milestone.  No thanks.

8)  I struggled to have a baby.

     - Four failed fertility treatments later, I finally received the most precious gift God can give you.  Do you know how devastating it is to struggle to have a child?  You don't, unless you, yourself, have been through it, first hand.  So when my miracle is screaming in the next room, for me, you can bet your ass I'm running over there.  I'll never take my baby's presence for granted. 

9)  It won't be like this forever.

      - I know that it might be a long time until I can say my baby is sleeping through the night.  But he eventually will.  It's not like I'll have a 9 year old who wakes up every two hours and wants to be fed.  I can wait this time out.  I was designed to respond to the needs of my child.  And I will honor that, and be grateful that I'm able to have this time with my baby.

10)  Because who wouldn't wake up to this:

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Sniffly Baby = tired parents

Wow.  We were doing SO good with our sleep schedule. It was like, well, clockwork. Daycare, home, nurse, nap, dinner (solids), bath, nurse, bed, badda-bing-badda-boom. Then...ohhhh but then...the sniffles set in. You wouldn't think something as simple as sniffles would mess up a schedule so horrifically, but yet, here we are, day 3 of ZERO sleep. I don't even know right now.
You try to stick with routine and just when you think he's asleep in the crib and you tiptoe out of the nursery he wails and flails. If he wasn't sick right now l, I possibly, maybe, might give crying it out a chance (can you tell I'm a softy?). But he doesn't feel well and those cries of wanting comfort tug at my heart strings. I can't let my sniffly little man cry it out when I know how bad I feel when I'm sick. And I also remember as a child, how comforting my mom was to me when I didn't feel good. I hope I can comfort him in that same way. 
As tired as I am, I'm more concerned that he gets rest, so he can get better, so we can all get some rest! ***yawn*** 

Friday, August 29, 2014

5 Month Update

Landry turned 5 Months Old on August 28, 2014

He's in the 75th percentile for his weight and height.  Last time he was measured at 4 and 1/2 months old he was 17.2 lbs and 26 1/4 inches long.  In the past month he has tried sweet potatoes, squash, green beans, and peas.  He has loved every one of them! 

He loves to jump in his jumper still and is rolling over from his back to his stomach any time we lay him down, which makes diaper changes fun yet challenging! 

He loves Mickey Mouse Club House and you can tell Mickey is his favorite character.  Anytime he sees him pop up on the television he gets a huge smile and wide eyes. 

He's been the biggest joy to watch grow and develop.  I wish I could stay in this moment forever with him.  He's seriously heaven sent, no doubt.  And I thank God for this gift, every single day and night.

I like to caption this picture as "5 Months Old, No Big Deal!"


Nothing prepares you for "Mom Guilt"

     I actually felt guilty for giving my little Landry green beans.  He LOVES them.  The very first time he tried them, he gobbled them up.  However, a few hours later, he got gassy.  I didn't contribute his gassiness to just greenbeans, I mean come on, if you have a baby, or even just been around a baby, you know how much they toot.  It could have been the formula he is supplemented with, or it could have even been something I ate and then he ingested while nursing, I do eat my fair share of raw broccoli ya know?.  So...whatever...**shrugs it off**.  We tried green beans again the next week.  Welp, we know for sure now, the green beans are probably giving him gas.  And because I hand fed him the toot producing puree, I felt like crap.  It's my fault he's uncomfortable, how could I not feel like crap. 
     What I want every mother to hear that is reading this, and yes I need to re-read this and take this advice myself, is seriously stop blaming yourself.   First of all, do you know how good green beans are for you?  Let's see, green beans rank very low on the list of foods that prompt any type of allergic reaction and they aren't on the "dirty dozen" list of foods highly contaminated with pesticides.  The many nutrients in green beans can help you prevent a number of different conditions, including Alzheimer's, atherosclerosis, diabetic heart disease, colon cancer, asthma, arthritis, acne, ear infections, and maybe even colds and flu’s.  But even with all that positive information I laid out, his couple of farts made me feel like *gasp* a bad mother.
     I'm an awesome mom, if not for anything other than feeling like a bad mother for giving their child nutricious food.  I need to remember that, dammit!  Learning these things, like what food gives your baby gas, allergic reactions, or tummy aches is part of the deal in trying out new foods.  What can ya do?  It's not like your baby is going to eat breastmilk/formula for the rest of his life. 

     Don't get me started on how guilty I feel for having my son in daycare while I go to work.  Do you have any idea how much I miss him during the day?  I think of him, literally every single second that I'm not with him.  So when my son cries in the middle of the night, more than once, do I let him cry it out?  Hell no I don't!  He doesn't get me at all during the day, why would I let him cry for me at night time when I'm readily available to him?  Tired? Yes, I'm exhausted, but I'm available to him, and if he wants me, he gets me. 

     Breast milk vs Formula....aye yai yai.  The list could go on of things us mothers feel guilt over.  I felt guilty when my milk supply started to dwindle.  He's still getting breast milk, which is more than I could say for what I thought he was going to get.  When I was pregnant, I said to myself, if I can breast feed with no issues on my end, and no issues on his, then I will do it, no matter how tired it makes me or how demanding his feeding schedule is.  And I'm still doing it, so why do I feel bad if my body is just producing less, when I haven't done anything to make myself produce less?  It is what it is.  Landry is 5 months old and he's gotten breast milk every single day since he was born.  I need to be grateful that I am able to still nurse him and stop dwelling on the fact that I might be producing less than I was the day before.  All good things come to an end eventually.

    I swear, one day I will pat myself on the back and say, "You're doing great."  Until I can do that for myself, I think it's really important to encourage other mothers in the same way, tell your best friend, your sister, your aunt, your co-worker, and especially your own mother, that she is an amazing mother and efforts are noticed. 

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Lots of Laughs

Landry already makes me laugh so much, but I truly think he enjoys making me laugh. Today while I was nursing him, he would pop off, but his hand on my lips or nose and squeeze and wait for my response. I would either say "honk!" or blow on his little hand and each time he would giggle from it, I'd giggle to.  He is seriously just pure joy. God, I just love him so much. 

Friday, August 1, 2014

Slept through the night!!!

July 31st into August 1st, 2014, my baby slept through the night!!! He slept from 7pm until 10pm and I nursed him. Then at midnight he woke up, hungry, and I tried to nurse him but he wanted nothing to do with my boobs. So, I had Cris heat the bottle that was in the fridge, and he ended up heating it to the point where it was too hot. So, by this time Landry had stopped crying but was wide awake. Finally the bottle was cool enough and he ended up taking 6 ounces.  Welp that's the last thing that happened. I woke up and Landry was STILL sleeping. I can't believe it! I actually had to wake him up before my boobs exploded! I don't expect for it to happen again, it could have been a growth spurt or a fluke, but I'm so happy that I actually got 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep for the first time in over a year. It's pretty amazing. 

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

My little party animal...

Landry seriously cracks me up.  I hear him crying around I of course pick his cute ass up from the crib and comfort him.  Shhing him until he quiets, and then taking him to my bed to nurse him.  He nurses for a strong five minutes until his belly is content.  Pops off  the boob and starts to squeal and giggle, kicking his legs in delight, flapping his arms like a baby bird while simultaneously smacking me in the face.  Waking up his daddy, who can't help but flip over to face the little ball of love and laugh right along with him.  I could care less that this baby has been up every two hours since midnight...he's seriously everything I could have ever wanted in a child.  His (gummy) smile is the light of my life.  I never understood pure joy until Landry arrived.  I mean, yes, I have had a happy life, but's honestly indescribable.  The miracle that he is...I'll cherish these memories of his squeals at 3:30am, his flapping little arms and the kicking of his chubby little legs.  I'll cherish every second forever.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Sleep...or lack there of...

Wait, your baby is how old?  He’s not sleeping through the night yet? Have you tried…..

     Honestly…I’ve heard that line more than necessary.  You know what is more frustrating than not getting any sleep?  Listening to everyone else’s magical tale of how they got their baby to sleep through the night.  When are people going to understand that having a baby is not a cookie-cutter type of situation?  Every baby is different, every parent is different, and for pete’s sake, every baby’s sleeping, eating, pooping, and playing pattern is different.  So just zip it already!
     I’m totally all for getting advice, WHEN I ASK FOR IT.  But if you yourself are a mom and know what it feels like to be sleep deprived, why on Earth would you give unsolicited advice about how to put a baby to sleep so that they sleep through the night?  You’re just going to end up the making the overly exhausted mother feel like an even bigger failure.
     On that note, Landry had his first night where he didn’t exactly sleep through the night,  but he also didn’t wake every two hours to eat.  No, I’m not going to list here step by step what we did to make that happen because guess what,  no matter what I say, your baby is different and you might get different result.  On the other hand if you’re interested, just ask, I don’t mind sharing.
     All I really wanted to tell you is that we all have been there and you aren’t alone.  Nothing can prepare you for the exhaustion you are going to experience as a mom.  Or guilt, but that’s a whole ‘nother blog post.  I just hope you find comfort in knowing that those bags under your eyes and your hair that hasn’t been washed in four days, is all very normal and accepted here in mommy-land. As hard as these nights and days can be, just embrace it, because all too soon that baby that we are getting up for, won’t be a baby anymore and you’ll miss the late night hours of mommy-baby time.
     Ending this blog post with my true feelings…there is nothing that compares to the love I have for my son…I’d stay up every single hour of every single day if I could just to soak up every little ounce of him.  I’m beyond blessed and I’ll never forget the struggle I endured to conceive such a miracle.  I’ll sleep when I’m dead :)

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Slacker McSlackerson

Oh my gosh...I can't believe how badly I have slacked at updating my blog!  Welp...better late than never, right?  Landry is 14 weeks old.  He is seriously the light of our lives.  He brings us so much joy it's truly incredible.  The highlights of his third month are jumping in his bouncer and giggling.  He loves attention and will actually make a fuss if he's not getting any.  He wants to make sure you are watching him have fun (just like his daddy).
Landry celebrated his first July 4th holiday this month.  He slept through the LOUD fireworks going off right next to our house.  He also transitioned into the crib that very same night.  He did amazing!  And to be 100% honest, he sleeps so much better in his crib.  His sprawls out and is loving all the space he has.  I guess the bassinet was getting a little tight, but I didn't want to move him to his crib until we an AC unit in his room, which we do now.  Its been quite hot, especially on the 2nd floor of our house.  Having a nice cool room for him to sleep in has helped him stay asleep longer (or so I like to think, because I sleep better when it's cool instead of hot).
My little sister had her baby on June 24th and I am an aunt once again, but this time I have been blessed with a NIECE!  She's beautiful.  Her name is Kellie Grace and I'm smitten.  I can't wait to babysit in the near future.  It's so nice having a sister that was pregnant while I was and now has a little baby.  We swap stories and advice and it is comforting to both of us knowing we are in this together.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Late night feeding thoughts to Landry 3

You are so funny!!! The faces and expressions you make are priceless. You smile at the perfect time. For example, you were in your bassinet, making noises, when I looked in at you and said "shhh".  Just then you gazed into my eyes and smiled! A smile so big I swear you were going to laugh! It's moments like those that I will never forget. I love you so much!

Sunday, April 20, 2014

Easter 2014

Taking this time to wish my baby boy a Happy 1st Easter! Landry is 23 days old today as we celebrate this Resurrection Sunday. We went to church as a family and then celebrated with our families afterward. It was a beautiful day and to say that I feel blessed is an understatement. Thanking God every single night for blessing me with another day that I spend precious time with my loved ones. God bless! 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Late Night Feeding Thoughts to Landry 2

When you smile, even if it's from gas, I swear in that moment the whole world stops. 4/15/14 2:44am

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Late Night Feeding Thoughts to Landry 1

I look at you and can't believe you are mine. You are completely perfect and you  perfectly complete me
4/13/14 9:55pm

Monday, March 3, 2014

Keep on truckin'...

This past week was quite one of the more stressful weeks I have had.  First of all, Cris has the flu!  I knew he was sicker than he was leading on.  You know men, they hate going to the doctor and he was playing it off that he was not feeling that terrible.  I guess my "motherly instincts" kicked in a few weeks early because I knew that he needed to be seen by a professional.  After a little bit of coaxing, Cris went to the doctor and found out that he had the flu.  I'm so glad that he was tested because from there he was put on Tamiflu and I also have been put on it as a preventative.  So far, I have not felt any flu symptoms and I'm thanking God every free second I get.  I can't not imagine having the flu while pregnant, that would be not only so awful but seriously dangerous.
I also received the news that my platelets are continuing to drop.  When I was first tested, my platelets were at 125,000, then they dropped to 110,000, and this last time they dropped to 101,000.  I was told if they go under 100,000 that I will need to be referred to a hematologist and that they will most likely start me on steroids to raise the platelet count.  I have one last blood test today to test the platelets.  I am so sick of being jabbed with needles, you have no idea.  If there was ever a time that I thought I couldn't handle needles, I've proved to myself a thousand times over that I'm a professional pin cushion.  I don't even flinch anymore.
I'm exactly 33 days away from my estimated due date.  Its a bit surreal to know that I might have a baby THIS MONTH.  I honestly just can not wait to meet Landry.  I want to see him so badly.  I've dreamed of this little boy for three years now.  I will never forget the first dream I had about him...he was just a baby with this mop of blond curly hair (side note, I believe that Landry will look just like Cris so the fact that he had blonde hair in my dream was very far fetched lol), and he had big blue eyes and I was carrying him on my hip walking around a shopping mall and everyone was stopping me to say what a beautiful baby he was.  One older woman stopped me and said, "What is this angels name?" and even though realistically, Landry would not have been old enough to talk, this little high pitched voice comes bouncing out of his mouth and he said, "I'm LANDRY!" and we all laughed with surprise.  I had many more dreams of a little boy after that, and each one the boy looked different but I truly believe that I knew Landry was a boy from the second he was conceived.  I always had that feeling.  So to know that I'm just a few days away from meeting this little one, well I can't even put into words how anticipated this moment is.  I love him SO much already and I can't wait to fall in love with him even more.

Thursday, February 20, 2014


There are a few words to describe the end of pregnancy...words like exciting and nerve-wracking come to mind....but so does, exhausting, debilitating, tiresome, backbreaking, grueling, tough, and draining.  When even just laying down is no longer comfortable, you're pretty much "over it".  I've heard a lot of people in their third trimester say, "I'm READY"...I never understood those words as fully as I do now.  I'm ready to not be pregnant anymore.  I'm ready to trade in my lack of sleep due to being uncomfortable and peeing all the time for lack of sleep due to an adorable tiny human needing food or a clean hiney.

You'll probably think I'm complaining, but no, I'm just listing my symptoms...
1. fatigued (that's puting it nicely)
2. carpal tunnel (worst in the morning)
3. swollen feet (my socks leave marks in my ankles, how's that for a turn on? haha)
4. huge boobs (seriously, they are kind of offensive)
5. weight gain (30lbs and counting, and I feel EVERY POUND)
6. braxton hicks contractions
7. shortness of breath (seriously, blinking to fast and I might pass out due to lack of oxygen)
8. backaches (no position is comfortable)
9. heartburn (I've probably eaten my weight in tums by now)
10. frequent urination (understatement of the year)
11. weird dreams (I kind of like this symptom, makes for interesting conversations)

As I sit here now and look at that list of annoying symptoms, it's easy for me know that every single one of them is worth it to have my miracle here in just a few short weeks.  I'd take all of those times two if I had too, just to know that Landry is on his way.  I can't wait to see him, to hold him, to smell him.  I can't wait to examine every little fingernail, every little hair on his head (if he has any), and just stare at him in awe, knowing that God gave me this gift....this incredible, amazing, heaven-sent gift.  So bottom line...yes, the third trimester is AWFUL for the mommy-to-be.  Everything is uncomfortable, everything hurts.  It SUCKS!'s worth it...anything worth trying for, always is.  God bless all my sisters that are trying to conceive their miracle.  We all deserve to feel this crappy for the best reason ever!

Friday, February 7, 2014

My aching feet!

Ok if we are talking about before all my fertility treatments, I weighed 100lbs (on a good day).  My whole life I tried gaining weight to no avail. After I did my 2nd round of IVF I had put on 10lbs from the steroids they had me on.  So if we are talking about from when I found out I was pregnant I weighed exactly 110lbs.  Currently I am 8 months pregnant and my weight fluctuates from 130lbs in the morning to 135lbs at night. I have been retaining water like a camel!!! So honestly my feet have been carrying so much extra weight around I have decided to treat myself to a pedicure.  Never in my life has a pedicure felt so amazing!!! I can't even begin to explain it! I feel terrible for this beautiful little Asian woman in front of me rubbing my unshaven legs and calloused feet. I'll be sure to tip her well.  My excuse is that you get a better shave after a pedicure anyway.  Truth be told it's just been to uncomfortable to shave lately!  Everything  is uncomfortable lately. Anyway I'm going to end this blog and enjoy the rest of my pedicure. Just a reminder to treat yourself once in's so worth it! 

Friday, January 24, 2014

Negativity on YouTube and Bullying

     I have been making videos on YouTube for over three years.  A question I get asked frequently is why I started making videos in the first place.  I started for two reasons.  The first reason is because I wanted to document my journey of trying to get pregnant after a full year of trying to conceive without any success.  The second reason is because after seeing everyone I knew in my personal life, able to get pregnant easily, I felt really alone.  I felt like no one understood my heartache, until I found the "TTC Community" on YouTube.  When I realized that there were a ton of women going through what I was going through it was comforting.  I wanted to be that comfort for someone else who may be enduring something similar in their life.
     Over the past three years, I would say that 99% of my videos, I have left emotion out of it.  As of lately, my videos have just been myself describing pregnancy symptoms I've been having.  However, my most recent video I decided to upload showed raw, in-the-moment, emotion.  It showed my hormonal side of pregnancy.  It showed my vulnerability.  And it showed that I am human.  And I have never, on any other video, received such rude and negative comments.  I've also never been bullied via YouTube, until now.   I was told I would be a "shitty mom because I sweat the small stuff", I was told that I am "immature", and that I am a "drama queen".  I'm sure there will be more comments like this, but the video has only been up for two days.
     I thought about disabling the comments to this video so that people couldn't get the satisfaction of trying to hurt me with words.  But when I took a step back, and looked at the big picture and took the personalization out of the equation, I realized what an opportunity this is for me to address this type of behavior from people.  I'm blessed to have reached a platform of people through YouTube and I'd like to take advantage of that my making a video that addresses such a commonality among social networking sites.
     To begin this blog addressing those who went out of their way to say hurtful things, I'd like to first say that hurt people, hurt people.  And in all honesty, that makes me sad.  That means that person comes from a line of hurt and it just is going to continue to cycle until one day someone decides to stop that cycle and better themselves.  Unfortunately, I can't change the way people treat others.  I can only pray for them, and so that's what I do.  I'd also like to point out that the people who chose to say hurtful things to me, are in my opinions, behaving cowardly.  I'm not trying to use that word derogatively, but I can't think of another word that describes a behavior such as this.  The comments were left by people who don't have a channel of their own, who would never have the courage to put their personal life out there in the public eye to face judgment and to be scrutinized.  When I put videos out there for anyone to view, I knew that there would be people that didn't like me, disagreed with me, or oppose my view.  That is fine, in fact, that's wonderful.  It means that we all are made up differently, we aren't robots, we can think for ourselves.  The problem for me is that when people choose to disagree with me, oppose my view, or simply just do not like me, they usually leave comments to disrespect me.
     I welcome constructive criticism and helpful advice.  I have no problem with that at all.  However, when someone goes out of their way to disrespect myself or any of my subscribers I will not tolerate it on my channel or in my life in general.  Those people might get away with that type of behavior in their personal lives, or on other social networking sites, but it will not be tolerated on my channel.  And thankfully, with the grace of God, these people are not affecting my life in a negative way.  It inspired me to write this blog instead.  I know there are children, teenagers, and even adults that this type of behavior would affect them, and that is why I'm using this platform in hopes to reach them.
     The only other thing that I would like to say to those of you reading this, is that if there has ever been a time in your life where you have been disrespected or bullied, I want you to know, that it wasn't personal to you.  The people that try to hurt you are struggling with something in their own life, whether they are being bullied themselves, or maybe they are insecure about something, or maybe their home life and relationships are toxic.  Whatever the case may be, that person has some type of issue or issues that they are struggling with.  When they see an emotional, or kind side of you, they tend to use that as their advantage point and "attack" when you are most vulnerable.  Do not let this type of behavior from people harden you into a cold emotionless person.  I've realized that the more I have put myself out there and the more I share, the more people I relate with, or can relate with me.  This has encouraged me to be compassionate with others, to encourage others, and support others.
     I am not perfect, I don't pretend to be.  I have faults and weaknesses, just like you do.  But from my side of the computer screen, I don't bash other women/people for choices they have made or opinions they may have.  If anything, that helps me to learn more about the person and broaden my mindset to other views.  I'm excited to make a video, addressing this topic and this blog.  And though I will never change the behavior of those who will continue to hurt others, I hope to provide comfort to those who also have been hurt by disrespectful individuals.

Healed People, Heal People 

Monday, January 13, 2014

Finding my own balance...

     I think my most important piece of advice I could offer to anyone that is pregnant is to stop listening to everyone else and just be in the moment with yourself.  I think most of my stress this pregnancy has come from the idea of what I should or shouldn't be feeling based on other people's opinions and experiences.  Every single pregnancy is different, every mother's body is different, and every single baby is different.
     I also think that it is completely okay to admit that pregnancy is HARD.  And a lot of the times, it SUCKS!  No matter how long you have dreamed of getting pregnant, whether or not the baby was planned,  and no matter how old you are, pregnancy is difficult.  I had failed fertility treatments and I prayed and prayed for this child, but I still have the right to complain that pregnancy is not glamorous, and it's really hard sometimes.  Sure, you'll hear the women who say, "Oh I just LOVE being pregnant!" and they seem to never complain about anything.  But I'm sure those women feel fatigued, nauseated, or fat at some point in their pregnancy.  And then you'll hear those women that say that they hate everything about being pregnant.  I believe I'm somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.
     I have no problem admitting that I hate having to go pee all the time.  Honestly, I wake up between 5-8 times a night to use the bathroom.  I also hate feeling restricted in terms of my level of activity.  There are times when I want to pick up my nephews and squeeze them, but I can't.  Or just wanting to go for a hard run to work off stress and I can't.  Of course people will say that I can do those things.  But in my head, I find reasons why I shouldn't.  I would not do anything to jeopardize this pregnancy.  So if to me that means no running, no lifting, etc, then it is what it is.
     I have also been underweight my entire life.  So now, seeing my body change is difficult.  I LOVE my big belly.  I wouldn't change that for the world.  However, I feel like I gained weight in my chin, like my face looks fat, and other people say they don't see it, maybe they are being nice, or maybe they don't see it.  However, I don't feel like myself and I don't like that.  And more than anything, I hate when people point it out.  Yes, I have had someone tell me my face looks full.  That made me like crap.
     I do love that when I'm sitting alone, thinking about upcoming weeks, and having my miracle in my arms, that I'm never actually alone.  I LOVE when he moves around and I can feel those punches and kicks, reminding me in the sweetest way possible that I am a mommy.  And with that being said, I LOVE being a mommy.  I love knowing that I am someone's mommy.  I think about the way I look at my mom, from when I was a little girl til now, and how much I love and need her.  I think about the sacrifices she made for me and how grateful I am for her.  And it overwhelms me in the best way possible to think that I am that person to someone.
     I also love how much I am in love already.  I haven't even met my son yet, and I already am in love with him.  He is a piece of heaven, gifted to me, from God.  I can't even put that in words how incredible that is.  And more than even that, I love how close I feel to God.  God chose to me mother this soul  The idea that God trusts me to do that, makes me feel so loved by God and has only strengthened my faith in Him.
     To wrap this up, I just wanted to encourage pregnant women to enjoy their own personal experience in their own way and complain when you want to if you makes you feel better.  Sometimes you just need to get things off your chest, like, "UGH!  I feel so fat today!" or "My skin is so gross!".  But then also don't forget to cherish the things you do enjoy!  Like when your husband runs out to get you a hot fudge sundae from McDonalds...or when someone says, "Wow your hair look amazing" or "You are seriously glowing".  I think it's perfectly fine to find your own balance.