Wednesday, October 16, 2013

It's a BOY!!!

     Words can not describe how excited we are!  To be able to envision my future now, holding a little boy, I'm just so excited and over joyed.  We prayed for a boy and God has given us this miracle, it's so incredible!  But I need to back track here just for a little because I was not supposed to find out the gender our baby for another month!

     Because I had another bleed at 14 weeks and 2 days I had asked to be referred to a specialist who could possibly be able to tell me why I was continuing to bleed.  So I was scheduled for an in depth ultrasound to check everything they could to determine where I was bleeding from.  I went in on a Thursday, which at that date I was 14 weeks and 5 days, but our little one was measuring ahead at 15 weeks and 1 day!  Which makes me feel good, means he is thriving and growing.  So anyway, here I am getting an ultrasound done by a technician and she says to me, "You know the gender, right?" and I said, "NO! WAIT! You can tell already?!"  And she said, "Sure can, would you like for me to tell you?"  And since my husband was not there I just did not feel right about finding out with out him.  So I told her that and she said she could put it in an envelope and we could open when we could be together.  So my heart was racing, I was so excited, I couldn't believe it, in just a few hours I would know if I was having a son or daughter.  The tech handed me my the envelope and I put it in my purse for safe keeping.

     After the tech left, the doctor came in and reassured me that my baby is doing great.  He's measuring perfectly on track, the womb looks nice and healthy, and the placenta looks great as well.  He was so thorough in having me understand that I need not to worry at this point.  He believes that part of the lower side of the placenta could be slightly detaching and then healing itself, but when it does detach it will bleed and when I bleed, blood will come out.  However, at the ultrasound he said, if you did not tell me you had a bleed, I would never know, everything looks super healthy, great blood flow, and attachment.  I truly couldn't be happier with how this appointment went, and I couldn't be happier with the doctor I met.  He was such a joy to meet and be under his care.

     Cris finally got home from work, and of course it seemed like it took him hours to get home as we both knew what was waiting for us when he would enter the door.  I sat down, turned the camera on and filmed one of the most memorable moments of our lives.  If you are interested in watching that video, please click this link:

    We are so blessed and so excited.  We couldn't be any happier.  We truly can't wait to hold this little miracle in our arms and be in awe of God's creation and gift to us.  Yay!!!

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Unexplained Bleeding

August 8th, 2013 - 5 weeks and 2 days pregnant: MASSIVE bleed, bright red, gushing blood, enough to saturate 4 or 5 pads.  Pregnancy was confirmed still there, saw the heartbeat a week later.
September 24th, 2013 - 12 weeks and 2 days pregnant: Large bleed, bright red, gush, enough to saturate 1 full pad.  A very uneducated PA in the ER told us that I was probably going to miscarry.  The heartbeat never wavered and I had also just been seen for a sequential screening 36 hours prior and everything looked perfect.
October 6th-7th-8th -  14 weeks and 1 -3 days pregnant: Started with brown blood when I wiped, slow and light...slept through the night, woke up with red blood on a panty liner, continued to bleed a light flow for a few hours.  Was seen by the OB, it had stopped by then, everything looked normal, went back to work, had another large gush of blood around 1:30 PM.  Continued to "seep" blood for the rest of the day and a little bit the next morning, leaving a trace of blood when I wipe.  Starting to believe this one is just about over.

Not once has any of these bleeds been accompanied with pain or cramping.  Each time, the baby is looked at via ultrasound and everything seems to look perfectly normal, as well as the placenta.  The answers I've been given as to what is happening has ranged from, "you're probably going to miscarry to this is normal for some people".  Not once has this gotten any less scary or frustrating.  As you know, when you are pregnant, tampons are out of the question.  So, while I sit here at work, and feel that pop, then the rush of blood running out of me, even though I'm wearing a pad the size of Texas, I have to RUN to the bathroom to make sure that I catch it in time that it doesn't bleed all over my pants.  I have a change of clothes here at work, but  still...being seen running to the bathroom gets everyone talking (again).  Ugh, that's one thing I wish I could get past and not let get to me, but knowing people are talking about me and assuming they know what is going on makes me so mad!  I wish people just kept their mouths shut and minded their own business.  Gossip is evil...and annoying.

I am grateful that everything with the baby is looking like it's okay.  And I have the most amazing husband who has gone out of his way to make sure my life is as easy as possible while I endure these bleeds.  Whether that means getting dinner for me so I don't have to cook, or just taking the time out to remind me that God is in control.  I honestly do not know what I would do without him.  He's been my rock through this entire process, from the start of everything, from the IUI's,  to IVF (twice), to the FET's (twice), to now a pregnancy that is scary and unpredictable.   He's been strong, calming, encouraging, hopeful, and motivating. I'm blessed to be his wife...truly blessed.

The great part about being at the doctors is that I have gotten more ultrasounds than the average person.  If there is a silver lining to these bleeds, this is it.  I love seeing my baby moving and wiggling.  It's the cutest thing in the world.  And truly, it makes you fall in love with them all over again.  As if you couldn't be any more in love, then you see this, sweet lil buttoned nose miracle....

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

A Letter: From Pregnant Kyle to TTC Kyle


    Wow, who would have thought, here you are, in your second trimester of your first pregnancy.  Beyond amazing!!!  You know, being on cloud nine, realizing your dreams are a reality, can make one easily forget what it feels like to be "TTC."  What I believe I am most proud of is that I can tell you with confidence, you will never forget.  Sure it's easy to get wrapped up in the fantasy now of what it will be like to hold your baby for the first time, picking out names, and clothes.  But I promise you, you will never forget what it felt like to take the journey of trying to conceive a miracle.
    Without this path you took, you would have never built the relationship you have with God.  God loves you SO much that this path was His way to get your attention.  Do you know all those times your period came, and you cried alone, silently, in the bathroom stall at work, He saw you, and was working in your life at that very moment to harvest patience in you?  Did you know all those times you found out someone else got pregnant after trying for a few months, and you sobbed in your husbands arms, He was building that bond between you and Cris that no one can break?  Did you know that when your fertility treatments failed and you thought about giving up, God was teaching you perseverance, strength, and courage?  Now look at yourself, take a long hard look.  Who do you like better?  The person you were a few years ago?  Or the person you are now?  Haven't these painful struggles made you not only closer to the Lord, but also compassionate for others and a better person over all?  You are knowledgeable in all aspects of fertility, you are relatable to many other women facing the same struggle, and you are a testimony for nonbelievers.
     I see you now, cupping your belly, knowing there is a miracle growing inside, from God himself.  A gift from heaven.  You look at your unborn child as just that, a true miracle, with appreciation, gratefulness, and amazement.  You will be a wonderful mom, one who cherishes the moments others may not.  Like when your baby is screaming at 4:00am after getting 2 hours of sleep the night before, you will be grateful to hear your child's voice.  Or when a huge mess is made in your just cleaned living room, your patience will not be tested, you will rejoice that there is a child making memories in your home.
     This journey of trying to conceive was long, difficult, and painful.  The pain was almost too much to bare at times, and yes you did want to throw in the towel at times.  But you didn't.  And here you are...13 weeks and 3 days pregnant.  You should be proud of yourself and all you have accomplished.  You will continue to grow (physically as well as emotionally).  And you will never lose your sense of gratitude because of what you have gone through, nor your sense of compassion for those who continue on their journey of trials and tribulations.
    Don't just embrace your past, embrace and celebrate every single day of your pregnancy, even the scary days.  You have been given a miracle, that is worth rejoicing every second of every passing day.  Love yourself, take care of yourself and your growing baby.

Psalm 16:11
Thou wilt make known to me the path of life; In Thy presence is fullness of joy; In Thy right hand there are pleasures forever.