Slipping...

I can tell, can you? The positivity that I embodied came naturally to me just a few months ago. Now the word hopeful sounds foreign to me. I know I'm not alone in this struggle in trying to cope with the fact that's been over a year of trying and I haven't gotten pregnant. I know there are many women out there who have been trying for much longer than me. Yet still, "staying positive" gets harder with each month that passes me by. Honestly, I feel like that is what time is doing to me. I see everyone's life moving forward at such a rapid speed and I'm just watching life whiz on by, without me in its grasp.
Do not mistake my sadness and frustration for ungratefulness. I am entitled to feeling this way without negating the goodness in my life. I know that I am blessed. I certainly can be thankful for what I have and still feel sadness for what I do not. Anyone that tells me differently is ignorant and has never WANTED a child of their own the way someone who tries and fails has.
One word that has not escaped my vocabulary is faith. Perhaps the definition has changed a bit. I can't say at this point that I have faith that I will bear a child of my own. I can say with confidence that I have faith that God will never leave me to fight this battle alone.

HSG Procedure and Results

I survived!!! Haha, honestly I was terrified of the procedure because of the pain factor it entailed. However, it wasn't THAT bad. The worst part for me was when they injected the dye. But it truly only hurt for a few seconds. The results are immediate...and I'm all clear! I feel more confident in my body and my pain tolerance. I'm proud of me!

Getting Tested...

The time has come. It's now been a full year of trying to have a baby with no success. Let the infertility testing begin. Tomorrow I'm scheduled for blood work. Needles don't bother me too much...as long as I don't watch...I'm okay. After that, it's the dreaded HSG test which scares me! But I am willing to do what it takes to have a lil mini Cris running around. The thought of a mixture of Cris and I one day running around on this planet cracks me up and melts my heart <3

Will keep you posted as I face this difficult journey of my young life.

(in)fertility Consultation

I don't know know if you call it a fertility consult. or infertility consult because ultimately the consultation itself is to figure out if you are fertile or infertile.
Anyway, the consultation went exactly as expected. We discussed our medical history with the doctor and we figured out the plan on where to go from this point. The next step is blood work. I'll be getting that next week. After that Cris will have to a semen analysis done. If both of those are normal than I will have to have an HSG test done. And if that comes back normal then they will start me on Clomid. Clomid is a drug that induces ovulation and assists the egg in maturing. However, it also increases the possibility of twins/multiples. Gulp.
I can't care at this point if that would occur...as in any situation in life, if God brought you to it, God will get you through it.

Quote of the Day

"Every day, you should do something that will inch you closer to a better tomorrow" - Doug Firebaugh

I love this inspirational quote. You can use it as a reminder for small things...such as preparing your outfit the night before so you aren't late for work in the morning when you can't decide what to wear. Or this quote can serve as a pusher to encourage you to try your best today at any task that comes your way as it will pave way for an easier and brighter path.

Happy Birthday Baby Madison!

Today we welcome a new member of our family into the world!!! Madison Lynn is my new precious baby cousin and she is absolutely perfect! Congratulations to her strong mommy, Janel, her wonderful husband Scott, and her amazing BIG brother, Jake! I'm so happy for all of you and I can't wait to meet the newest member of our family!

Home Sweet Home

Mama Mickey is home from the hospital! Yay! She's tired and is resting, but she is at least in her own bed! I am going to cook my parents dinner tomorrow night, both mom and dad could use a home cooked meal. Dorothy was right, there's no place like home!

Is this a test?

My mom had a TIA (transient ischemic attack) aka a Mini Stroke on Friday evening. Scariest moment of my life. I'm sitting here wondering just how much more my family can take. I know we are a strong unit...the strongest family unit I know, but enough is enough. On top of the infertility issues I'm dealing with, the anxiety and fear of something horrible happening to my mom or anyone else in my family has me at my breaking point.
Prayer is my source of comfort, knowing He hears me, knowing I'm never alone with these issues makes it possible to get through the day. I know everything happens for a reason.
Just have to have faith that everything will work out for the best.