I can tell, can you? The positivity that I embodied came naturally to me just a few months ago. Now the word hopeful sounds foreign to me. I know I'm not alone in this struggle in trying to cope with the fact that's been over a year of trying and I haven't gotten pregnant. I know there are many women out there who have been trying for much longer than me. Yet still, "staying positive" gets harder with each month that passes me by. Honestly, I feel like that is what time is doing to me. I see everyone's life moving forward at such a rapid speed and I'm just watching life whiz on by, without me in its grasp.
Do not mistake my sadness and frustration for ungratefulness. I am entitled to feeling this way without negating the goodness in my life. I know that I am blessed. I certainly can be thankful for what I have and still feel sadness for what I do not. Anyone that tells me differently is ignorant and has never WANTED a child of their own the way someone who tries and fails has.
One word that has not escaped my vocabulary is faith. Perhaps the definition has changed a bit. I can't say at this point that I have faith that I will bear a child of my own. I can say with confidence that I have faith that God will never leave me to fight this battle alone.
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