Feeling Alone In TTC

Its a dark day today. Cycle Day #1, on to our 23rd month of TTC. Why does this have to be so hard? Every time I see blood I think, "of course I'm not pregnant again, why would I be? It has been the same old story for 22 long horribly painful months." I look around and see all these people having true genuine smiles on their faces and I envy their authentic happiness because I feel like I'm dying inside. Silently I wipe away the tears as I sit in my cubicle hoping no one notices the emotionally unstable lost little girl. I sit here feeling so sad for myself, internalizing the pain into physical stress that body is crying out for a vacation from life. Then the guilt settles in and you hear the dark side whisper, "people have been trying longer than you, some people suffer miscarriage after miscarriage, some people had failed IVFs done," and it just makes me feel even worse for feeling bad for myself. It is an exhausting circle of sadness and pain.