Here are my examples of the comments I have received through out these past 23 weeks of pregnancy and my thoughts on these intrusive comments:
1. "Your baby bump is so small, good luck with everything" - I AM SMALL. Do you know how ridiculous I would look if my bump was HUGE compared to my body? I'm small framed, have been my whole life. My belly isn't going to look like that of someone who normally weighs 50lbs more than I do. And don't wish me good luck, that's rude. Luck? Luck doesn't exist to me. Want to be nice in wishing me well? Pray for me.
And this goes both ways, you shouldn't say "Your bump is so big" either...you do know that pregnant woman feel huge no matter what, right??
2. "I can tell you are pregnant, your face is so much fuller" - So, basically what you just said to me is, "your face is fat." Thanks for going out of your way to point that out. When would it be okay to say this to anyone at any point in their life? I'm guessing never...so why say that to someone when they are pregnant?
3. "What's up with your weight?" - Yes...I was asked this by a nurse! One, I'm sorry, did you just graduate the 4th grade? Is that how you talk to patients? How unprofessional. Two, what do you mean, whats up with it? I didn't even know what she was asking. Apparently I was supposed to have gained between 10-15lbs by that time and I had only gained 7lbs. People need to back off on the weight thing. If my baby is measuring where he should be, than my weight shouldn't be of concern unless I lost weight. Everyone is different, every pregnancy in different. And FYI, my baby is measuring a few days bigger than average, so I'd say he's thriving, thank you very much :)
4. "Your boobs got huge." - Uh...thanks for noticing?? Apparently they must have been microscopic before.
Seriously, what is wrong with people?? I was raised so differently I guess. And by different, I mean to have respect for other people's feelings. There are two things that you should say to pregnant woman no matter what you think of her appearance:
1. You look ________ (fill in with any positive adjective, example being great, amazing, wonderful, fantastic)
2. You are glowing!
That's it people. Those are the only two acceptable forms of compliments for anyone that is pregnant. I know my face is fuller, I know my boobs got big. I know the skin on my face is dry, I know hips, butt, thighs, and arms got bigger. I stare at myself in the mirror butt-naked daily...not to superficially criticize the extra amount of weight I'm carrying around and what it's doing to me physically. No. I stare in complete AWE...examining every little detail that is allowing my miracle to grow and thrive inside me.
As for the dumb people who actually said those things to me...I think it's highly necessary that you think about what you say before it leaves your mouth. And what it would feel like to have that very same thing said to you. Maybe you think saying that my bump is so small is a compliment, but its not. Leave size out it. Please, for the love of God.
AHHHHH! I feel much better.
Kyle,
ReplyDeleteI just came across your blog and YouTube videos this week, while I was googling IVF information. Your story has given me more hope than my words could ever express and I want to thank you so much for confirming my belief in this journey reasons...teaching me patience and giving everything up to God. It may sound silly, but I needed someone to say those words and really believe them to open my heart completely. You did that for me and it is obvious God is still working through you to help others.
My husband and I have experienced three miscarriages over the past year. None of our tests really show anything and we have been advised to move forward with IVF. I start three days after Christmas and was honestly scared to death until I watch your videos and read your story. Again, thank you for giving me what I needed at this time to move forward. I too believe that God has sent my husband and I on this journey to develop an unbreakable bond between us. We are stronger than I ever thought possible and he has become the type of person I always wanted to be with for my life. I'm not sure I would have figured that out so quickly into our marriage, without these intense and heartbreaking experiences.
I especially loved your letter to yourself. I know I will be more grateful for the child I am given, because of these TTC trials. Your recent post about comments people make to pregnant women was so spot on! When I was 9 weeks preggo earlier this year, many people said all of those things to me...seriously it was awful, but being able to relate to someone is therapeutic.
I will be praying for you, your husband and baby boy for a safe delivery and I look forward to your continued posts and videos about your incredible and inspiring story! You are a beautiful person inside and out and I am so glad God has blessed you with this gift.
-Malissa
Malissa,
DeleteI can't even tell you how much this comment means to me. I am blown away by your kind words. I actually am speechless! I am so inspired that my journey has given you hope in this process. It's easy to give up hope and give up on everything else. So let me tell you, you are SO strong and should be so proud of yourself. I am so sorry for your losses, but for whatever reason it was that these things have occurred, know and believe that God has never left your side. You are soon to blessed with your miracle because God has seen your struggle and has seen your faith grow in midst of darkness. I want to give you the biggest hug ever! I'm so excited for you and you will be in my prayers. Please feel free to email me anytime at kylelara1231@gmail.com
God bless! xxoo
Kyle,
DeleteThank you for giving me your email! I will definitely be corresponding with you and giving you updates! I know we don't know each other, but it makes it feel easier somehow to have a woman to talk to that has gone through all of this when I am afraid and not sure. Don't get me wrong, my hubby is great and so supportive, but sometimes you just need a girl's perspective and someone that has gone through it. Please feel free to reach out to me anytime at malissa81@aol.com. Praying for you and your baby boy! There is so much joy in my heart for you and so my hope in my heart for me.
All my best, Malissa