2 Week Wait from HELL.

Seriously, I would rather do the injections every day than ever have to go through the 2 week wait again. You question EVERYTHING. The "symptoms" can all be related to horrid progesterone suppositories I was on...every cramp, sore boobs, tiredness, acne breakout...but even though you know the drugs are causing the symptoms, in your heart, you pray it's actually because you are pregnant. I held it together since we made the decision to do IVF...but the day of my beta blood draw, I lost it. Like LOST it. I lost it. I woke up that morning and peed on a stick...NOT PREGNANT. Those words cut deep. But just as any other person who has tried to conceive, I clutched on to a thread of hope that maybe, MAYBE I could still be pregnant and my beta was just too low to show on a urine test. Looking back, I already knew, it's called instinct.

Embryo Transfer!

Today is the day our hopes and dreams are put into my uterus. Once we got to the clinic, Cris and I both gowned up. We were taken into the same O.R. where my egg retrieval was done. I got on to the bed, grabbed Cris's hand, and said a silent prayer...please PLEASE let these babies stick, please God, I beg you.
The embryologist came in and verified that we are who we say we are and that they were going to be transferring two embryos. My doctor came in and I immediately felt at ease. He has a calming presence about him, and I trust him with my life, so once he was there I relaxed. The procedure itself is oddly easy. They insert a catheter (painless) and then the embryologist comes in with our 2 embryos. On the ultrasound screen you actually see them go in to your uterus. They are two little white specs. I didn't know it was possible to love a clump of cells the way I did. I already felt smitten, knowing I had two living things inside of me. After the procedure you lay in bed for about 20 minutes and then you are free to leave. I rested that evening and the following day. Not total bed rest, but I just took it easy.
Now comes the hard part...the dreaded TWO WEEK WAIT. Seriously...this was the hardest two weeks of my life.

Now we wait...

After your eggs are sucked out of you, they are put into a peach tree dish and a procedure known as ICSI takes place. They take one single sperm and insert it into the egg, and then we wait. We got a call the following day to tell us that out of the 12 eggs, 8 survived. Out of the surviving 8, 6 fertilized. Out of those six, four made it to embryo stage. The doctor and embryologist kept an eye on those four and would let us know when it would be time to come back in for the embryo transfer. The transfer ended up being 5 days after the retrieval. We were EXCITED. We couldn't believe our time has come.

A dozen eggs!

The egg retrieval surgery was fast approaching. I was REALLY nervous. I had plenty of surgeries in my life time, but I had forgotten what it was like to be put to sleep. If I'm being honest with you, what I feared most was how I would take the anesthesia...I truly was terrified I would get sick from it and vomit. If you don't know, I have a fear of vomit...it stems from a really horrible experience I had when I was 5 years old. It really did scar me for life. Anyway, the surgery ended up being SO easy and I woke up to great news that they retrieved 12 eggs! I woke up starving, so they gave me pretzels, gingerale, and two extra strength tylonels. I laid in my little recovery room for another 15 minutes or so and then we headed home. The cramps started before I made it to the car. And the car ride home was brutal. Every bump, turn, and stop hurt. All I wanted was a heating pad and my bed. Once I got home, I went to sleep for a few hours and when I woke up, I felt fine. I was sore, especially when I peed or laughed...but besides that I felt fine. I went back to work the following day.

The drugs...not the good kind.

When I hear the words IVF, I immediately think injections. It's a lot of needles...a lot. I was on dexamethasone, baby aspirin, Lupron, follistim, menopur, and triggered with HCG. My first few injections of Lupron were fine, I was injecting myself, in which made me feel strong. But then one morning I freaked out and was never able to self inject again. What would have made it easier was if I had some fat on me. There is just nothing to me, and I've always been that way. So before you think that being too thin is a nice problem to have, think again. I struggle with weight issues just as a person who is overweight does. I am self conscious of the way I look but I've always been this way, it's all I know. Cris took over on the injections. He did amazing. Especially for someone that is terrified of needles.
Side effects? God blessed me, I had none. I was nervous knowing that these drugs were potent...thinking I'm very sensitive to things I put in my body, I took to them quite well. At this point, I prayed they were working the way they should.

Birth control?! You can not be serious!

Once you decide that IVF is your path, you may need to start birth control pills. When I was told this, I FREAKED. I cried...and cried...and questioned this whole process. How...and I mean HOW after trying to conceive for two years can you tell someone to start birth control?! Sounds so counter-productive. Also...to add fuel to this fire, I have Factor V Lieden....so since I have been diagnosed with that, I have been told that birth control is a huge no-no!
Well, once I calmed down and listened to why birth control is the first step, and then did my own research, I calmed down. It's all part of this unique process. I put my trust in God, and in my doctor, and just decided that the best thing to do is roll with this journey. Flexibility in emotion is something I need to work on, but if this was a test, I passed it. I started my first regimen of baby aspirin and birth control.

My journey...

On December 18, 2012...Cris and I made the biggest decision of our life. I will get into that in a minute. But first of all, you should know, we met with a new doctor. His name is Dr. Peters. From the moment we sat down with him, I knew that he would be our doctor that made our dreams come true. He was confident yet cautious, encouraging and supportive. I have never met another doctor like him. I was completely blown away by his bedside manner. I could go on forever about how amazing I think he is.
So, given our unique insurance situation, Cris and I decided that we would go forth with in-vitro fertilization. Trust me, never did I think it would come to this. But I'm actually thrilled that it has. I am so proud of Cris and myself and how far we have come. It's an incredible journey and I look forward to sharing that with you here.